That's right. Four hours and I'm back. I'm indulging myself during my multitasked laziness to wander a wonder. I'm also watching "American Idol," so it's a trifecta of lazy productivity. I'm feeling better already.
The dilemma: Two men are looking at imminent prison sentences (one framed, one guilty). They are driving together and stopped at a red light. Going straight will take them where they are supposed to be to address the charges against them. Going left will take them to Mexico. Which way do they go?
There's no answer. No conclusion. No closure. I can't stand cliffhangers, but "Terriers" isn't coming back, so we're all left to hang there and wonder. The storyline was all set up to ready us for the second season, which made it that much worse. All the curiosity and anticipation are shot, knowing that this is it. WHICH WAY DO THEY GO, damnit?! What happens with all the other subplots?
::tangent to vent just a little::
Television shows like this are doomed in our culture. The cast is excellent, the writing spectacular (props to whoever came up with the play on "I Love You for Sentimental Reasons" -- I digs me some naughty songs).
I'm getting tired of networks limiting us to medical dramas (need something "new"? let's make them doctors without borders!), who's-the-next-best-[blankety blank] talent shows, and yet another spin from CSI or Law and Order (is there another NCIS now? I don't pay attention to the crap anymore). Thank goodness for "Modern Family." If that gets cancelled to make room for another insipid drama or reality show I will cut someone.
::tangent to remove realistic threat of cutting someone::
Not to Palin myself if such a horrid thing should occur, I want it on record that I'm more likely to find a non-violent way of cutting someone. "Original Gangstaz" may be a place to start, but since that wasn't particularly fulfilling when work drove me insane last year, and I enjoy killing people by kicking them in the nuts so much, I think it'd be more suitable to get my hands dirty.
Ooooh! Crafts! I could make a victim out of food and then cut it. Like a Mr. Hotdog Man with spaghetti and various vegetables poked through him all voodoo style to make his arms, legs, hair, and all. Granted, he'd be all floppy after boiling, but it's workable; he won't be able to stand. Dousing him with ketchup will enhance the effect. I shall name him Jay, not that I'd want to imply killing Ed O'Neill, but because Sofia Vergara never fails to crack me up when she "YAYs!" at him, and I certainly want to take pleasure in cutting someone. "Yay! What's wrong?" "Yay! Why's your leg so noodly?" "Yay! Why you not answer me?" "Yay! Who cut you?" "YAY!" "YAY!!! You're dead!!"
Of course, I'd then want to eat Jay, since he'd be so yummy looking, all cut up and ready to go. Would that ruin the imagery? Make me look like a cannibal? Oh my head. Let's hope this doesn't happen anytime soon so I can more carefully figure out the plan.
::end tangent to remove realistic threat of cutting someone::
Where was I? The levity helped. The vent may end now.
::end tangent to vent just a little::
::new tangent to note and address input from the peanut gallery::
At this point, I'm giggling to myself as I type, and mister mrtl asks me what I'm doing. I give him a brief synopsis, including the mention of writing Sofia Vergara into a "Terriers" Mexican adventure.
Ever the Man of Hispanic Studies, he points out that Vergara is Not Mexican.
Duh, I know that. She's Colombian, from the same town as Shakira. Did you know that mister smartypants?
So now tell me, which would be worse? Possibly offending a Colombian by requesting to cast her as a Mexican, or insulting a Colombian by suggesting that she couldn't possibly play a Mexican? Who would be a better choice? Scarlett Johansson? While Johansson rocked a great Jersey accent on SNL, I don't think she can yell, "Yay!" with the same energy. I think I'll trust Vergara's range.
We're not in "I couldn't find a picture of a ship, so I had to use a house" territory here, you know?
::end new tangent to note and address input from the peanut gallery::
See, now I'm totally off track on what I thought Hank and Britt would do when the light turns green. My tangents done tangented me. New verb?
I was going to say that they go straight, but then Britt complains of being hungry. Surely they should have a decent meal before going to jail. That food will suck. Hank agrees this is a very good idea, suggesting that if they go back take a right, there's a good spot not far down. The toe goes in the pool... They go, they eat, then they head back. There's more to lose if they run. Besides, Mexico would challenge sobriety. What goes better with carne asada than an ice cold Dos XX? And what if they're at a bar that has poppers? Hank would be totally screwed... not to say that Britt should really avoid drinking himself.
::tangent to define poppers::
It's been twenty years since I dared to venture into Tia Juana, so who knows if these are still a popular "gift" to bestow upon a buddy in a bar. Buy someone a popper, and he'll be assaulted, grabbed from behind into a headlock and tipped backward in his chair, have cheap and watered-down tequila poured down his throat, and then have his head jerked back and forth so violently with the crook of the giver's arm that a collar would prove a much more appropriate chaser than a taco.
There are not enough lawyers in the U.S. to entertain a popper option for those who can't stand hearing the birthday song. I'm just saying.
::end tangent to define poppers::
Despite how bad an idea it would be, I want them to turn left. If they go to Mexico, Sofia Vergara could show up. I don't care how she's written in, as long as she can yell "Yay!" And hey, maybe Shakira can make an appearance, too. She can sing and shake her booty. And Vergara could yell at people to stay clear of the booty. Yeah. I can totally see that. Maybe it all could be a dream sequence, so more random and crazy shit could happen.
Now that that's settled, should the show come back as a series, making a jump in time like "Desperate Housewives," or should there be a "The Brady Girls Get Married" type movie to give us an update on how Winston the dog is doing (That's right, Winston should get due credit here, being the dog on a show named after dogs. Winston really needs a better agent.)? Either way, I would highly suggest that Donal Logue and Michael Raymond-James take Winston with and spend some down time south of the border, capturing some special moments to serve as visual bridges once this brilliance is exhumed.
Speaking of exhumations, I also really miss "Pushing Daisies," especially the knitting and pie and Kristin Chenoweth. Crossover shows can be so much FUN, can't they? CAN'T THEY!? A girl can dream of dream sequences.
I really must continue to practice more effectively wasting my time.