mrtl

An Art Project

The first I read of Donny Johnson was a small excerpt in the paper. I was intrigued at the thought of artwork created using a paintbrush made from hair and paint from M&Ms. I bought some M&Ms today with a plan. Searching tonight, I found this, which provides the instructions I need:

He puts from one to five of the candies in each of the jelly containers, drizzles a little water in and later fishes out the chocolate cores, leaving liquid of various colors, which get stronger if they sit for a couple of days.

A picture accompanies a description of the brush -- "Mr. Johnson's paintbrush is made of plastic wrap, foil and strands of his own hair," -- and if I feel so inclined I will make one to use. I wonder where I can get blank postcards.

I'll be posting my work of art next Monday, so I guess this could be considered a pseudo Motif. Anyone?

If I Were Motivated

• I'd get my water. I'm very thirsty.
• I'd blog about such and such and nothing much, like...
  • How I have no time. There's a baby who likes to be held. There's a toddler who needs company in the potty and a nightly bath, more often that not full-service since she likes to play in the dirt at school. There's a husband. There's work. There's a house. Stolen moments are usually spent sleeping, although I have managed to watch a couple movies recently (not counting Cinderella). White Chicks? OMG, I couldn't stop laughing at Terry Crews.
  • Phrases Bug's been using a lot recently that crack us up, like "Say 'damn it'!", "You must be outcho mind!", "Mommy was not patient with me.", "Oh my God!" (and when called on it, "Oh my cheese!" or "Oh my apple!"), and many others that I can't remember right now.
  • Problems with society witness lately, like the little boy who pretended to throw something at the van as we passed one morning, or the man who felt so hostile that I merged in front of him (with lots of warning) that he rolled down his window to flip me off.
  • How the fucking BX lost the swingset that we bought for Bug, thinking ordering a new one was a consolation (after it arrives 6-8 weeks from now), and no one else in Alaska has any decent or affordable ones now because it's so late in the season.
  • The baking I've done lately, like the cupcakes fashioned into a bluebonnet for Mary, the brownies that have made me a Brownie Goddess in my own mind, and Martha's Mile-High Apple Pie (yes, crust, too). Yum! Pictures were taken for this even. Except for the brownies. They went too fast.
  • Bwopping? Last Tuesday I was 148. Tomorrow? We'll see. I've discovered turtle Magic Shell in its 210-calories-per-serving glory, and how it tastes yummy even on mint chocolate chip ice cream. Working out? I can't muster the motivation. Where'd it go? I did remove my magic pink jelly bracelet while Mary was here. Maybe that's it.
  • Fun outings we've had. More pictures there.
  • Forts built, trampolining, baby smiles.
  • Jem starting solids a little early... Here's the start of that post since I have it right here:

  We gave in on Tuesday. Even though the recommendations say to wait till you're four months, we gave in. How could we not? The way you gaze upon us while we sit at the table, smiling, drooling, sucking on your bottom lip and trying to eat your hand.

  • Mary's visit. How she said to Bug, "You're still number one!" to which Bug responded, "No! I'm two!"
  • Daphne's beautiful knitted gifts, the kitty cat and the bib. Bug snatched the kitty for herself.
  • The ghetto dinner party, another unfinished post. I'll post that later.
  • The cruelty of the cannoli-eating contest on "The Sopranos," although I did just find what promises to be a great Italian restaurant in town that said they'd make sure they had cannoli for me if I gave them a couple days' notice.
  • How well Bug's been doing with potty training. We're still working on the night thing, but days are really good. I've only had to pull out the steam cleaner once to clean up an accident on our rug.
  • How difficult it is to celebrate poopy in the potty and keep the disgust of smelling and seeing the poopy off my face.
  • How I've lost my sense of humor, interest in myself. This will probably be a post at some point. It's definitely something to be examined.
• I'd get the dishes finished.
• I'd work on my things to do list. Don't get me started on that.

Did you play?

A Motif for Hänni

So Hänni thinks that I'm the one to hit up for ideas to kill a blogging slump. Reverse psychology, or plain silliness? Who knows. Anyway, I'm game. Doubt I'll get it done today, though.

I invite all three of you who are still checking in here to join me in writing a Motif Monday post, even if it doesn't get posted on Monday. The subject of which has escaped me recently, and would be a large part of my next bwopping installment -- due tomorrow if it gets done:

motivation

Do you have anything to say? Post a comment to let me know you participated, and maybe someday I'll get around to including a link. ;)

If I Had a Million Dollars

I'm not wasting time with this post talking about the usual, boring stuff that usually gets listed when people find themselves a nice chunk of change. Houses, cars, travel, college funds, clothes, blah blah blah. That's all a given. Instead, I'm going to focus on the truly, obscenely indulgent things that I'd get should I get my hands on a mil. And to make this post truly challenging, I shall program it into a table and keep a tab. Yes, folks! Mrtl math! Woot! And I'm not going to use a calculator, so you'll have plenty to taunt me about.

Item	Cost	Total
Rien Poortvliet's Hanno on Toilet Gnome	$189.95	$189.95
Rien Poortvliet's Medium Pee Pee Gnome	$49.95	$240.90
Victorian Playhouse for the girls	$23,400+	$23,640.90+
Poof for Bug (I'm drawn to the party poof, the chickee poof and the devil poof.)	$49	$23,689.90+
Faux Mink Carrier Cover	$153	$23,842.90+
Nikon D2X	$5,000+	$18,842.90++
Photography Classes (Price doesn't include travel/lodging) Maybe it'd be better to fly someone in to teach me personally	$278+	$19,020.90+++
Hot Air Balloon Ride for Bug No prices listed, boogers!	?+	$19,020.90++++
Audi TT Roadster	$47,659	$66,679.90++++

It's a shame that I can only come up with $67,000 worth of extravagance. I'll have to keep shopping.

Did you play? Let me know!

Adrienne, Amber, Ern, Hänni Beyotch, Jana, Kranki

The Return of Motif Monday

Hey all! Mister mrtl just sent me an email with something in it that screamed, "BUY ME!" And I was like, "Yeah, right. If I had a million dollars." It was one of those emails that made me jump right into Typepad to blog about it. Then I started thinking that this would be a fun one to do as a motif, to see what others would come up with. To give willing participants more time to put posts together, this will be the motif for next Monday, April 3.

next week's topic: With a Million Dollars

If you want to participate, just put the post on your blog and let me know (preferably on my post next week with this subject).

In case you're wondering, this isn't a commitment to resume the weekly madness. It's something I'll do when inspiration strikes.

Does This Make Me a Kept Woman?

Subtitle: Lambasting Gaiety

Kelly is yet again trying to put the rest of us to shame with this talk of her and Rob's lovey dovey crap. How DARE she make Reader's Digest romantic? Ours (a subscription that my parents insist on renewing for Christmas each year) stay in the hall bathroom, where they are only read by me -- well, Bug pretends to read them while she pretends to use her potty -- when Trudy (yes, I've named the protruding bitch) is making an appearance. But while mister mrtl and I rarely cook together, and never dance, and certainly don't sit around reading Reader's Digest jokes to each other, we've got something special, too, damnit! My man will forsake his convictions out of his love for me.

This is about so much more than his rise to the status of "My Sugar Daddy."

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
                                      ~ Lewis Carroll

Actually, we'll just skip down to the pigs. The answer is a resounding YES. Pigs have wings. They're flying as we speak! For two reasons, the first of which being my finally writing my Good Deed entry for Motif Monday. The second is the story itself. In a nutshell:

Merry Christmas to Me!

Yes, this is what I've refused to talk about, afraid of jinxes. Afraid that it wouldn't happen. But it will. So I will. And, as it would turn out, it's totally not my good deed, but my husband's.

::tangent::
The Good Deed motif was initially inspired by Danielle, who has been especially kind to the homeless this winter (and who was recently rewarded BIG time by Karma for her sweetness -- you go, girl!). There have been other bloggers who have spoken of such acts of good will; I didn't write them down, so of course I don't remember who they are, so I apologize for not acknowledging them.

My plan was to set this motif in order to encourage myself (and anyone participating) to get out and do something, but I got severely sidetracked. "Sidetracked" isn't quite the word for it. "Sidelined" may be a better choice. And "shocked." It was around the same time that I got The Email from mister mrtl. Apparently a conversation that we had recently had resonated in him. As inconsequential as I believed it to be, it caused him to reevaluate his long-held beliefs, for me.
::end tangent::

And now, in my typical fashion, I will overanalyze the entire process that brought us here. Feel free to skip along to your next RSS. I spent too many hours trying to trim this down to no avail. Sorry!

The subject of The Email was "Truck vs. Minivan."

Let's back up a bit. We bought the truck last February to replace Otto. Otto was my truck; he was paid off, completely by me. His value, unfortunately, wasn't much more than a piece of panda poop -- a bronzed one at that -- and since I was sure I didn't want to have another used car, but we really needed something bigger, there was no way I was going to be buying the replacement on my own. For the first time ever, mister mrtl and I were going to make a mutual vehicle purchase, but he was going to be paying a lot more than I.

In February, when mister mrtl was doing the research on what we'd get next, he asked what I wanted. I told him that I'd like to be able to get in the back with the Bug and close the door, to be able to get her settled and get myself into the front seat without having to get back out of the car. This was for me a matter of personal safety (being the kind who, when alone, quickly gets in and locks the doors). We had some friends with an SUV that had this capability (i.e., no installed console between the front seats). Turns out theirs was one of the few, yet one of the most expensive, with this option. Mister mrtl made a comment at the time that what I was describing was either well out of our price range or a minivan.

"Minivan." ::Recoil in horror!:: We both had been violently opposed to becoming those people: minivan owners. It was a matter on which we agreed since early on. The matter was promptly dropped.

The real question here is WHY was it dropped? Because I honestly detest minivans and all the selling out of one's youth and identity that they represent? Because I held mister mrtl's detestation of the same with more weight because of the financial circumstances? Should I have been more adamant about what I wanted, despite my maybe not-so-accurate belief that this would be more of his truck since he would be paying most of the loan? More importantly, and what I can't recall now, is did I have the requisite foresight necessary at the time to force the minivan option? I know for sure that I didn't feel so strongly then that I would buy a van if I could afford it (while now I would). Did I consider the weather in Alaska (a possibility at the time, but not a definite)? Did I consider the ease (or lack thereof) of getting a second Bug into the back seat? I still don't have these answers. Part of me thinks I let it drop too easily because -- bottom line -- it wasn't going to be "my" car.

::tangent::
I've talked about the money situation between us, about my consternation with being dependent on someone else. Well, here's where I shot myself in the foot. I should have been more vocal about it, insisting that we at least look at a van.
::end tangent::

Either way, I let the matter drop. We got the 4Runner, and after getting to Alaska and trying to be patient with Bug, who insists on getting herself into her car seat in her own sweet time, no matter how cold and/or wet it is outside, I am kicking myself. With the shot foot. Ouch. So it came up again not too long ago how I was seeing some challenges in getting Bug and Frida into the truck, as well as trying to nurse in there. I never expected, nor was I looking for mister mrtl to actually consider getting a new vehicle. Just talking. We do that. An "I see some issues, but I'll deal" kind of talking. Some time later, could have been a week or longer, or not, I got The Email.

Since he first brought it up, I tried to distance myself from believing it would actually happen. I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't want to pressure him, to make him feel obligated to follow through if he changed his mind, if the dealership wouldn't take his offer. I expected it to fall through, and was prepared for that.

Well, today the dealership called, accepting his offer. Mister mrtl is buying me the van. It is to be mine (I doubt he'll ever want to drive it) and should be here in the next week or two. I did a very good job at suspending my belief. I'm still in shock.

----

Who participated?

Hänni

Personal Theme Song, Take II

During my shower today, an unexpected song popped into my head and wouldn't leave. Next thing you know, I'm dancing around and singing (well, to myself) -- all while keeping an eye on the door, should mister mrtl walk in and discover my antics -- and making big plans to dig out the box of tapes from under the stairs. Then, it hits me: Part of the me that I've lost is my music. When mister mrtl mentioned that he had considered getting me an IPod Mini for Christmas, my (inside) reaction was, "That would have been a total waste of money." My (outside) response was, "Maybe I'll win one on Blingo." It's so very rare that I listen to any of my CDs, and the tapes have been buried now for years. WTF?

I recently considered telling the folks and brother that they can focus on completing the China set on future gift-giving occasions; I couldn't think of anything else they could get me. Maybe I'll start collecting the silver pattern I picked out but would probably never use, either. Why do that, though, when I have a shitload of tapes that I love that could be replaced with CDs?

I'm digressing.

It dawned on me in the shower that the song I was hearing answered an old question. Huzzah! As I begin this year on a journey of finding myself, showing myself that I do love me, what better song than "Prove My Love" by Violent Femmes?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a CD to buy.

Prove My Love

Just last night I was reminded of
Just how bad it had gotten and
Just how sick I had become

But it could change with this relationship
De-derange we've all been thru' some shit
And if we're a thing, I think this thing's begun

Oh! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Oh! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Oh! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Ah! To prove my love to you

Special favors come in 31 flavors
We're out of mints, pass the Life-Savers
I'm droppin' hints, candy for candy-coated tongue

You'd be so good, so very good for me
What do you think? Tell me honestly
I'm wait wait wait w-wait wait waitin' for you to come

Oh! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Yeah! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Yeah! Tell me now -- what do I have to do?
Yeah! To prove my love to you

Third verse same as the first

Just last night I was reminded of
Just how bad it had gotten and
Just how sick I had become

But it could change with this relationship
De-derange we've all been thru' some shit
And if we're a thing, I think this thing's begun

Oh! Tell me now, what do I have to do?
Yeah! Tell me now, what do I have to do? -- I'd do anything
What do I have to do? -- I'd do it all
What do I have to do? -- I'd do it all for you
What do I have to do? -- I'd climb a mountain
What do I have to do? -- I'd cross the ocean
What do I have to do? -- I'd take a shower
What do I have to do? -- I'd do it all
What do I have to do?
Ah! To prove my love to you

Stupid pregnancy hormones! I actually tear up each time I read through this.

p.s. Hey Torrie, "Blister in the Sun" is great and all, but this one would be a great addition to your workout mix!

Resolved

Note: Yes, I'm posting my Motif Monday a few days early. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for GO time.

----

Resolutions don't usually work for me because I'm all about instant gratification. If I don't see results immediately, I tend to give up. I'm trying to change this. I've decided to set one resolution for myself for 2006. Focus may come more easily if I only have one item. Too bad it's so loaded.

My resolution: Be selfish. 2006 shall be the Year of Me.

Why? I neglect myself. I skip taking a shower most days. I don't take care of my physical health. I don't make time to do special things I want to do. I long for something as simple as a hobby or learning a basic new skill. I use Bug as an excuse all too often, as if I can't take care of myself and be a good mother at the same time. This is a horrible trend; I am losing myself. Add another kid to the mix, and I'm going to disappear if I don't get my shit straight. I need to take time for me.

My plan isn't going to be completely clear anytime soon. I need to consider past successes, what's worked for me before. I need to figure out how to set myself up for success, and adjust accordingly if I miscalculate. How am I going to be accountable? I need a plan, to set measurable goals. More importantly, I need to prepare myself for the inevitable setbacks so they don't result in the loss of my resolve.

There are several things I can do to consider 2006 a successful year in this capacity. I'll follow each with a measurable goal.

1. Shower. Every day. [Did I shower today?]
2. Work out. Go to the gym regularly, take walks, MOVE. Especially after Frida's born, this is going to be a huge issue and will -- physically and emotionally -- weigh me down if it's not attended to. [Did I get to the gym or was I otherwise active at least 4 times this week?]
3. Get out. Take a class, go on a date, meet people. [Have I had a fun break this week?]

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to keep on top of myself, to stay motivated. I don't think a reward system will help; the reward has to be my happiness and satisfaction, not some external thing. One thing I think will help is to be as open about my progress as possible, especially with myself. When I quit smoking, I told everyone I quit smoking, making it partially a matter of pride and avoiding the humiliation of public failure. I said that I knew I'd be successful because I had made a promise to myself, and if I can't keep a promise to myself, what are my promises worth? Am I committed enough to this plan to make such a promise? Look at what's at stake. If I don't take care of myself, what kind of example is that for my kids? I'll teach them to be considerate of others, but what about themselves? How are they going to grow knowing without a doubt that they're important, too?

Yeah. Pinky promise. And to publicly keep track of my progress, I'm going to keep a calendar. On it I'll post what I've done that has met my goals. I'm toying with the idea of starting a separate blog dedicated to this, but I struggle keeping two right now (not counting Frida's neglected one, which will be getting a lot more attention after she's here).

Now for the plan. The shower is easy enough. I just need to consider it important enough to do it and adjust my schedule accordingly. To get out, I need to check schedules of classes, mister mrtl's work schedule and other social opportunities to figure out what my options are. If pickings are slim, it'll be me time nonetheless, getting out to do something. That leaves the work outs.

As you know, I've been trying to psych myself up for working out. The "Get off your ass!" banner campaign didn't work, obviously. Obviously? I went two times, folks. Twice. My original plan was to take Bug to the CDC and hit the gym before coming home. Then I started thinking. I won't be able to take Frida there with me; they don't allow kids in the workout rooms. The community center on base has equipment, and I could take Frida to hang out in her carseat while I use the treadmill or whatever. Thing is that the community center doesn't open till 10, and since Bug goes to school at 8, the early-morning option is out.

So. When the weather gets nicer, we can go for walks earlier in the day, but that's several months away. My best bet now is to hit the community center before picking up Bug in the afternoon. When Frida comes, she can join me there. One concern with this is how inconvenient it will make getting a shower. I could shower in the morning, but then I'll need another one after working out. Believe me I'll need a shower; I sweat like a pig when I actually work myself, which I'll need to do (cardio!) to lose the baby weight. How am I going to get a shower in the afternoon? Unless mister mrtl is home, it's not going to be easy to accomplish till after the kids are in bed, meaning I'll be sitting around with my stanky-ass self the whole afternoon. Am I making this more difficult than it should be? Logistics!

Whatever I do, I want to get into the habit well before Frida comes; otherwise it may be harder to get going. This needs to be sorted out, and fast.

Your advice is welcome on this. Any ideas?

----

On Motif Monday: I've decided that this will be the final Motif Monday. I will still write the Good Deed post at some point, but don't need any added stress or feeling of obligation right now. I set myself up the wrong way with this, making it harder to follow through; I should have picked topics that I already had half-written in my mind. Oh well.

If you participate this week, let me know!

Hänni

Flakier than Pastry Crust

I've lost it. Completely. It's gone. Not so much my desire to blog, but my ability to come up with anything remotely interesting to discuss or write about. While I am aware of my surroundings, I'm not seeing the humor in them. Call it the blahs if you want, but I see it more as a total flake out.

Some possible topics have come to mind. Like the Christmas present to end all Christmas presents, which is still pending, so that will wait. There's Bradley, who has reached a point of absolute fucking annoyance with his regular visits to ask to shovel our driveway; like mister mrtl telling him no yesterday would change if he rang the bell today while Bug was napping. And Bug's goings on, although having her own blog means those posts are more appropriate there.

::tangent::
It's pneumonia. She hasn't had a temperature at all today, but there's action in one lung, so she's on antibiotics now. She slept wonderfully last night, and I was even able to trick her into going down for her nap a half an hour early today since I was going to have to wake her early to get to the clinic.
::end tangent::

There's the endless complaints about the idiots here with whom I'm forced to share the road. There's the most bizarre Christmas card I've ever received (although I'm hesitant to write about it since it was from a family member). There's the "Good Deed" motif I still haven't addressed (like using the Christmas present to end all presents as I intended makes it acceptable to continue to put it off). There's my blogging anniversary, which was sometime this week (to start reading them, not writing -- that's at the end of January).

I'm starting to feel like I'm on anti-depressents again. That apathetic outlook. The meh's if you will. Maybe it's from being stuck in the house with a sick toddler for so long.

But let's move on. Part of the idea behind Motif Monday was to give time to consider a topic before writing about it, and setting a deadline so I'd get it done. While I haven't addressed the last topic assigned, I'm still going to put one up for Monday. I thank Karla and her brilliance for reminding me to do this.

next week's topic: resolved

And with that, I must go and change a poopy diaper before I throw up from the smell.

----

Update: Yes, please do be amused that I titled this "Flakier than Pastry Dough" when it should have been "Flakier than Pastry Crust." It only shows how flaky I am.

----

Another Update: I don't want to diminish myself and the effort it took to scrape together the above post, so I'm not going to add a new post just yet. I just had to share this.

A few minutes ago, I had a slight panic attack. Sudden craving for Taco Bell. Oh, it was harsh. I'm thinking, "Mister mrtl isn't going to check his email before leaving work, he's in a meeting so I can't call him at the office, and his cell is in my car." In my panic I did consider for half a second the fact that Bug is in bed... which is when the phone rang.

My husband is so brilliant he felt my need. Not only that, but when I answered the phone with a disbelieving "Nuh UH!" he knew why.

Such a keeper, this man.

Holidays

Holidays used to bring me so much pleasure. I enjoyed shopping for loved ones, spending a lot of time to find just the right gift for each person on my list. Hell, just shopping for birthday cards took hours. Then life got Busy. Finding time to get out shopping was hard. I lost patience dealing with the crowds. I didn't spend enough time with the loved ones on my list to really know what to get them. This hasn't gotten any easier, either, especially now that many on my list don't live anywhere near me. It feels incredibly impersonal to buy something online and have it mailed to the receiver. But how can I resist the free shipping?

It has helped so much to have a husband whose views are so compatible with mine. How hard would it be if he always wanted to go all out on the holidays? How much resentment would build if there was an expectation on every major holiday to do the "traditional" thing? (He's totally down with Easter Curry, and was happy when we did Thanksgiving Curry and Christmas Curry, too.)

::tangent::
It will always be Easter Curry. After the success we had with the Thanksgiving turkey, we may be working towards a more traditional Christmas, too. We'll see. It's been a while since we've had curry, after all.
::end tangent::

Thing is, it's not just us anymore. Bug has reached an age where we can't slack. We can't stall Christmas presents till mid January because there's too much going on. We can't slap the 3-inch Christmas tree cutout on the television because we're too lazy to bother with an actual (albeit fake) tree. We can't buy presents early, only to end up giving them to each other because we can't stand to wait (ok, by "we" I mean "I," since mister mrtl has no problem holding off).

::tangent::
And it's not like Bug's going to let us get off easy. Girlfriend is smart, she picks up on things, you know. As she showed me today, she won't allow slacking, either. I had squatted down to let her give me a hug, holding onto the couch to keep my balance and hugging her tightly with the other arm. She's all, "Both hands, Mommy!"
::end tangent::

::unrelated tangent::
Philly Cheese Steak! Why do I smell one? Damn phantom smells.
::end unrelated tangent::

I feel like such a party pooper to even mention this, but I H.A.T.E. decorating for holidays. Actually, it's not so much the decorating, but having to put all the crap away later. Where does it all go, anyway?? As it is, we only have Christmas decorations (sparing at that); it's all stuffed in Frida's closet.

::tangent::
I've asked others where the heck they put all their stuff, those who decorate their entire house -- inside and out -- for Halloween, Easter, every holiday. I've been told everything from sacrificing garage space for the dozens of plastic containers to paying for storage space. Fucking crazy, you ask me. No offense if you're one of them.
::end tangent::

I'm slowly learning to appreciate the holidays again. Granted, right now my brain is trying to focus on the stress that comes from it being DECEMBER already and not having spent any time thinking of gift ideas, not to mention that the paychecks I get after the holidays are going to be significantly smaller than those heading in. I've reduced the stress a little by deciding not to try Christmas cards this year. (Last year was our first year doing the mass mailing, so it's not like a huge expectation of others).

Still, I need to get a move on. This weekend the tree will go up. By then I want to have a firm grasp of my Christmas list, if not have shit bought. See the masthead, y'all. I'm totally serious.

HOWEVER, you WILL NOT find tacky holiday lawn ornaments in our yard, especially one of those oversized snow globes that cropped up this year. (Lights are definitely out, considering the foot of snow that's still hanging out on the roof.)

next week: a good deed

----

If you played, comment!

Cranky, Kalki, Pea, Nina