mrtl

Happy Valentine's Day

Hey! Who Took My Pie?

I'll Give You a Window to My Soul

This post is dedicated to all of my wonderful blogging friends who took Bug's idea and ran the other day. You helped me to laugh at myself over this.

Question: What is mrtl up to?

Answer: No good.

What's your porn name?

Doing some random blog surfing today, I came across the following:

childhood dog's name + childhood street name = porn name

I had to snicker a bit thinking of what my brother's is. Suffice to say that mine wasn't as compelling. "Sparky Boner's Sister" doesn't have that special oomph.

Cough it up, peeps. What's yours?

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Update: I'm laughing a bit now. I was confusing "childhood street name" with "childhood nickname." Watched too much of "The Wire," I suppose.

Mister mrtl had told me he's heard a variation of this activity:

childhood pet name + childhood street name = porn name

(He actually said "street you lived on," which brought the "aha!" moment for me. Duh!) Since we only had one dog ever, but plenty of cats, a couple fish and even some turtles, this gives me much more to work with. Besides, it was hard for anyone to come up with a teasing nickname for me since nothing works with my first name... which lasted until I met mister mrtl's old roommate, who called me "The Cathetar."

Anyhoo, with this new confirguration and my enlightenment, I can now reintroduce myself to you as:

Muffin Station

A Word From Tootie (Gerbilchunks) Applenose

As Kalki advised, I've kicked the funk to the curb. Diversionary tactics are now in progress to keep that shit away.

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Before I get too silly, if you haven't seen it yet, be sure to check out Very Zen Again.

Update: Also, be sure to congratulate Bente. Woo hoo!

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Now, who is Tootie (Gerbilchunks) Applenose? That would be me. It has nothing to do with the Mrs. Garrett / Tootie / George Burnett comments from the other day. Rather, it reflects an email I got the other day, revealing the secret code to all people's alternate names.

So what's yours?

The following is an excerpt from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names.

Directions

• Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name.
• Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name.
• Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name.

	First Name	Last Name
	3rd of first	2nd of last	4th of last
a = b = c = d = e = f = g = h = i = j = k = l = m = n = o = p = q = r = s = t = u = v = w = x = y = z =	poopsie lumpy buttercup gadget crusty greasy fluffy cheeseball chim-chim stinky flunky boobie pinky zippy goober doofus slimy loopy snotty tootie dorkey squeezit oprah skipper dinky zsa-zsa	apple toilet giggle burger girdle barf lizard waffle cootie monkey potty liver banana rhino bubble hamster toad gizzard pizza gerbil chicken pickle chuckle tofu gorilla stinker	head mouth face nose tush breath pants shorts lips honker butt brain tushie chunks hiney biscuits toes buns fanny sniffer sprinkles kisser squirt humperdinck brains juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

How Well Do You Think You Know Me?

A lot of bloggers have been putting up quizzes. I hate them. It doesn't matter how well I "know" the blogger, or even if I've read his/her entire blog, my memory sucks and I fail them miserably every time. If I remember correctly, the best I've done on one of these was the first one I took. It was at John Boy's, and it may have been the first day I checked out his blog. Go figure.

So I made a quiz, folks, with information you WON'T find on my blog. That's right. Fair chance for everyone!

Take My Quiz! and then Check Out the Scoreboard!

Do You Got the Beat?

Take the 80's Lyrics Quiz. Beat 110.

Update: I meant to thank Vajana for this. Thanks!

Providing Diversion

A friend is bedridden with a badly broken ankle, so I scrounged up some fun websites to keep her from getting too terribly bored. The following I found particularly cute or interesting. I found them all at http://www.bored.com. I share them with you because, once again, I find myself completely lacking anything of substance to say.

http://www.lemonadegame.com/ (for the entepreneur in you)

http://www.writebackwards.com/

http://www.findcliches.com/

http://www.officeterms.com/

http://www.mysticalball.com/ (if you need answers)

http://www.dancingbush.com/

http://www.officeslang.com/

http://www.supergreetings.com/

http://www.oliverbot.com/ (if you get lonely)

Making a Facetious Hat

Materials Needed
sentence strip
stapler
glue stick
marker
safety scissors
magazines
construction paper

1. Since "facetious" is an abstraction, some consideration is first necessary to determine what would represent -- embody if you will -- facetiousness for you. For me? Ben Stein.
2. Find a picture of your Ben Stein, or draw one for yourself. Cut out.
3. Glue your Ben Stein to the middle of the sentence strip, as high up as possible. (It may be necessary to back an image cut from a magazine with construction paper for support. Popsicle sticks also work fairly well for this function.)
4. If desired, clearly label your sentence strip with the words "My Facetious Hat." This way no one will be confused or misconstrue your hat.
5. Size the sentence strip by wrapping it around your head. Staple together at location of best fit.
6. To use the hat properly, conspicuously put it on at the moment immediately before facetiousness begins. Remove it when facetiousness ends.

Sample Facetious Hat

Happy Monday!

I have many blog ideas rolling around in my head, but not enough time to write any of them during my break. Maybe tonight... Then again, tonight's squadron spouse's dinner may be blog-fodderful in itself.

Anyway, since I'm just as guilty of dropping some blog bookmarks if they're not updated at least every other day, here's something to keep you busy while I get back to work (and more likely to come back another day). I snarfed this from Summer's site, which I read completely over the weekend. Thank you Susie for the recommendation!

mrtl is a Broccoli-Eating Laboratory Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 5.9 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat mrtl, enter your name:

Fun with Name Generators

We live in what we call the buckle of the bible belt. Nothing is open today. So I spent Bug's naptime doing absolutely nothing productive. Instead I found various pseudonyms for me. I will answer to any of them, except the monkey and penis ones, for obvious reasons.

Smurf Colicky Smurf
Wu Big Gay Mule
Gangsta Supa-sprung Shrinky Nutz
Prison Bitch The Piss Guzzler
Squirrel Sergeant McNutty
Evangelist Deacon Creflo La Winkey
Pro-Wrestler The Castaway Hipchecker
Outlaw Biker Bitch of the Sons of Santa MC
Kung Fu Silver Arm
Poet Lady Evelyn Prissywig (Most definitely best friend of Miss Polly Prissypants!)
Skank Ho Pop Star La Joya
Clown Alley-Oop The Clown
Viking Tova the Old
Stoner Nirvana Nickelbag new!
Monkey Ima Furry-Face
Penis The Bald Avenger