Genetically modified cows produce 'human' milk
At first glance, such a headline is unsettling to many. Many are not seeing the big picture, the possibilities. Grab a drink; this may be a long one.
While my first thoughts upon reading about these cows involved trying to figure out how the Chinese could convince us that they had in fact figured this out, and a variety of naysayer implications, they quickly unraveled into considering the MAGIC of having breastmilk cows.
... Did they employ teet implants filled with human breast milk? Is that how we can tell genetically-modified cows from the unchosen ones? Are the implants that obvious? Oh, you naughty Chinese.
... Oh, HELL NO, I wouldn't let any child of mine suckle a cow's teet!
... Does the taste of the milk change based on what the cow has eaten? Can we feed them chocolate?
... Can the cows be genetically modified to produce Kahlua?
... But if my breasts are freed up from suckling babes, could I be genetically modified to produce something else, like cosmos?
::tangent on unwise choice of cosmo-producing boobs::
Boobs leak.
Cranberry juice stains are hard to remove.
Juice and Cointreau are sugary.
Sugar attracts ants.
Ants already like our house.
I already feel like bugs are crawling on my constantly.
I don't want real live ants crawling on my boobs.
::end tangent on unwise choice of cosmo-producing boobs::
... If I have to go with something clear to remove the threat of staining, I wouldn't want to choose vodka. I can't drink that stuff straight. If I go with white wine, people may think I'm trying to one-up Jesus. God forbid I do that. Maybe I'll just have to learn how to tolerate hard liquor. I'll go with Mags Bennett's apple pie hooch from "Justified."
... I'm very tempted to go with Bailey's. It's ever so tasty and versatile! I make fudge with it that is nom1000.
... I could do a boob of each! I wonder if they'd go together. Oh, that's silly. Bailey's goes with everything.
... Should I feel guilty for not choosing a beverage that mister mrtl would never drink? He just drinks beer, but I don't want to wake up every morning smelling like the floor of the 'Vous [or insert your own sticky, disgusting college-years drinking hole]. Besides, what if he wants to tap me... like a keg... and wants the product kept icy cold? Screw that.
... A keg tap may not sound appealing at all, but a Camelbak-type contraption is something I would consider, especially when going places where a flask would be too inappropriate.
... I'd laugh through security checks at the airport, and then laugh some more when I don't have to spend a cent drinking on flights, and then laugh some more because I've overindulged just because I could.
::tangent because I can::
This reminds me of the question about why dogs lick their balls. A friend, upon hearing of my contemplation on this matter, said something about self-suckling. Yes, I could, but I'm not sure it would be a strong latch. That's all I'm saying about that.
::end tangent because I can::
... Imagine the impact such a breakthrough would have on women's equality in the workplace! The advantage a woman with, say, a steady supply of bourbon, could have over a male counterpart's useless he-teets, especially if said supply is of high-end quality.
::bourbon tangent::
Since there are some legal requirements (i.e., "must be aged in new, charred oak barrels") involved with the making of real bourbon that may not be possible to replicate with genetic modification, let's call it boobron instead.
::end bourbon tangent::
... Hosting parties will be like eating Jelly Bellies! What are the possible combinations! This gives a clever new twist on "mixers." ::hee - I said "twist"::
... I hate to be judgy, but anyone modifying to Boone's Farm or Mad Dog 20/20 can not come to my Dessert and Squirt Mixer.
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