mrtl

Going Out with a Bang

I am about to explode. This is NOT a good time of year to be hanging with the 'rents. Mom mom is baking almost constantly, and so I have been eating treats almost constantly.

Again, I'm not trying to make any resolutions for the new year, but considerable effort will be needed to counter the effects of this trip. It's almost a good thing that mister mrtl will be MIA for a while, lest I feel encouraged to walk on the treadmill in the wee hours. Note to mister mrtl: The treadmill really needs to come out of our room.

I was going to give Bug some equal time in pictures today, but I'll need to dig around for some that deserve inclusion. In the meantime, let me share the amusing conversation just overheard between Bug and Pop Pop. Apply obviously fallacious voice to Bug.

Pop Pop: Ugh! What's that smell?
Bug: Hahaha! It wasn't me!
Pop Pop: It smells like something died in here!
Bug: I don't know what that is.

Jem

She may drive me crazy sometimes, but she's a pretty awesome kid.

Making Magic Reindeer Dust

She loves her some Pablo.

She loaded the silverware.

Playing with Uncle B.

Blankity Blank

I feel like I'm squandering my time in Maryland, not taking advantage of all the wonderful things right here at my fingertips. I should be out of the house, visiting all those places and getting all the things I can't get in South Carolina.

I can't remember what all that is.

A few come to mind: meeting with friends, Chevy's, Starbucks, Barnes and Noble, knitting shop. Things I thought the girls would enjoy: the fire station in Ellicott City, the Christmas lights in Columbia; some are farther than I'd really like to go while I'm here: Rainforest Cafe, Inner Harbor, the Mall.

Before I know it, we'll be packing up and heading south. I'm sure the second we pass that city sign, my memory will return and I'll be slapping myself for forgetting.

Keep the Big Ass Bows on the Trees, Please

South Carolina has some quirks that are beyond quirky. Rena, please forgive me for going here (Rena is a friend from Alaska who grew up in South Carolina, and lived in the town I currently call home. The quirkiness is, like, her normal, which is pretty disturbing to think about. I'm just saying.) Anyhow, here are just a few of the oddities we've encountered thus far:

• boiled peanuts (aka "bull penis") - Apparently these are best served hot, but they're served in the shell, so WTF? You have to take them out of the shell to eat them, so getting burned by the just-boiled peanuts is supposed to be a part of the joy of eating them?

• hair bows - This goes beyond cutesy little ribbons tied around ponytails, which are popular, too. Here I'm talking horrendously, obnoxiously huge, layered ribbons. They often are put on one side of a girl's head, making them look terribly unbalanced.

• debutantes - Not talking Debutaunt, but the tradition of "presenting" cute, mostly blonde, white girls in white dresses, to the world... The smack of caste system in effect, plus the degradation of these girls, is bothersome. I'm also left to wonder where their bows are.

• blue laws - You cannot buy alcohol anywhere on Sunday, even in restaurants. You cannot buy hard liquor after a certain time on other nights. You cannot buy many non-food items (including underwear) until after 1:30 on Sunday.

• sweet tea - I tried this once (in my life), at my husband's office Christmas party a couple weeks ago. It sucked. I don't get it.

• gifting stranger neighbors - As documented here.

Sleeping with Children

Every night we've been in Maryland, I've ended up with a child in my bed. There's a sweetness to this, but there are several drawbacks. First, they are hot. Too hot. Little furnaces. They like to be close. The combination of close and hot drives me to the edge of the bed. On the edge of the bed, I'm stuck in place. Inevitably I wake up with major cramping. When sleeping with Jem, the closeness usually involves my ribs. Either her toes or her head dig into my ribs. This is extremely uncomfortable.

Tonight Bug is in my bed. I sent her there when Jem had a meltdown at bedtime (they are sharing a room here). I'm sure she's going to be in the middle of the bed when I get up there. At least she doesn't snore anymore. Or drool. The snoring and the drooling were apparently related.

+: Totally relaxing day today. Spent my lazy ass on the most comfortable chair in the house knitting (including a mini snout - squeee!). And there was pie.

Resolving... Not.

I was going to write about resolutions today, but you know what? I'm sick of resolutions. I am a huge lump of failure when it comes to resolutions. Why set myself up that way?

This doesn't mean that I don't have plans. I certainly have plans, but I'm not going to hype them all up here, which apparently is the kiss of death for any possibility of success. ::Choosing not to link to a bunch of past blogs in which I hype up what ended in failure.::

What I'd rather do -- and this by no means is a resolution, -- is celebrate daily victories. Find something positive in each day. I tend to gripe a lot, so this will help me find balance. (Must be the Libra in me.) If I remember to do this, I'll include those here. If not, no big deal.

And because I am such a rebel, I'm going to start with the positives today instead of waiting till the new year.

+: Today we survived the family holiday party without a meltdown. The girls played incredibly well with their multitudes of cousins; it really was a lovely occasion. I also was able to knit my father an awesome nose warmer shaped like a pig's snout.

Jingles All the Way

This morning after breakfast, the girls and I hopped in the van and headed to the 'rents' house. I am thankful that the trip was uneventful (fellow Odyssey traveler not so fortunate - a few miles after passing us he was in a collision that looked much worse than Odys... Have I mentioned that here? I don't think I have. Back in September Odys was totalled when another driver attempted to cross in front of me going 60. No injuries except for our vehicles; fortunately the girls weren't with me. We now have Jingles, a newer model.). The girls handled the drive so well, and with the empty roads, we made it here in record time despite several stops. There was a nummy turkey dinner awaiting us as well as two pies. mmm... Since my aunt and uncle live next door, we got to see their brood for a little while this evening.

Despite all the happy thoughts bestowed in the last paragraph, I do have some things to bitch about. I'll put them in list form to make it quick.

1. Drivers, PICK A FUCKING SPEED. I've got my cruise control set, so I'm definitely not trying to play leap frog with you.
2. Subway, you advertise that you are so fresh. Does this not apply on major holidays where many of your competitors are closed? Is this why the bread on the girls' sandwiches was stale? YOU SUCK!
3. Maryland, I hate that I'm allergic to you. South Carolina has lulled me into a false sense of security, thinking that I could live on the East Coast without suffering constantly.
4. OOooooh.... Whatever else there was, consider yourself lucky. I'm in too good of a mood to remember you. Or is it because my memory sucks in general? We'll never know.

Seasonal Weirdness

Is it me, or is it just a little strange to receive gifts of any type from neighbors we've never met? It's nice and all, but one ceramic ornament came without a return address or phone number, and the expansive box of cookies ordered from a gift shop is a lot. One neighbor stopped by the other day with a plate of homemade cookies, which I didn't find odd because she appeared, so we met. Right?

I'm passing along as a virtual gift this gem, Twitter'd by The Bloggess, whom I love. This one is quite versitile; mister mrtl is even enjoying it.

Preparations ~ My Things to Do List

Following are all the things I will be doing tomorrow.

For Santa

1. Bake chocolate chip cookies
2. Eat enough to feel sick
3. Create letters from Santa
4. Print out letters from Santa
5. Make magical reindeer dust
6. Sprinkle magical reindeer dust in yard
7. Download Google Earth file for tracking Santa
8. Track Santa

For Trip

1. Pack
2. Don't forget anything
3. Locate pack list and make sure nothing's forgotten
4. Put everything in van
5. Set up DVD player in van
6. Triple-check that DVD's are in van
7. And snacks
8. And Jem's sunglasses

In General

1. Remember to eat
2. Remember to feed children
3. Take shower
4. Bathe children
5. Make and/or eat Christmas Curry (oh, hey, that's my entry for cookie exchange. was that last week?)
6. Sneak presents to the tree for unwrapping after dinner
7. Go to bed early (heading out after breakfast/unwrapping Santa's stuff in morning)
8. Clean up kitchen... shit
9. Remind mister mrtl to clean up kitchen
10. New: Return tile samples
11. New: Don't forget to leave out cookies for Santa
12. New: Finish laundry
13. New: Don't go insane from bouts with strong-willed child.

I've too much on my mind to blog about anything else, and there's a chance I won't be around. If so, I hope everyone out there enjoys their holiday festivities.

I did make sure she didn't follow us home.

Bug and I did some shopping in "Famously Hot" today, spending way too much time looking for the perfect button. Don't ask. Anyway, we had the strangest encounter at Sears.

This particular location is going out of business and EVERYTHING was on mad sale. While pondering a particular purchase (oooh - alliteration!), a woman near me scoured boxes for prices. I, being ever-so helpful, told her some of the tags I did find for similar products. She, being ever-so friendly, commented that she was unsure if she could bother, that she was never good at assembling stuff. She then went on to say that, looking in my cart (where Bug was hanging out), she assumed I was married and would have help with assembling. I laughed a little and [DIDN'T SAY I WAS THE HANDY ONE] said that my husband was better at other things; assembling usually resulted in a lot of yelling. har har

I should have specified, "at the item being assembled."

What came next was a full five minutes of TMI. She said that her ex-husband would yell and hit. Eyes wide, I told her it sounded like a Very Good Thing that he was an ex.

But she wasn't finished. She mentioned injuries from which she still suffered. She told me how he was super nice to her for the years they dated, and that he failed to mention to her that his father was abusive to his mother.

All the while, I'm trying to gracefully and tactfully GET THE HELL AWAY from her. Bug was right there, and while I suppose I could appreciate the segue she provided to have a serious conversation with Bug, it really wasn't appropriate for her to go on in this way in front of a kid.

It's people like this that make me think twice about being helpful in public. This woman with her horrible tale to tell to any ear that would listen may have just completely broken my holiday good will.

And I'm still left with the need for an uncomfortable discussion with Bug, which may just happen in a minute over a couple clementines.