Fucking Guava Wine

http://www.volcanowinery.com/guava.htm

I have to restart Atkins tomorrow since I inadvertently knocked myself out of ketosis. Thing is, I needed the white wine for a recipe last night and hell if I'm going to let the rest of the bottle go to waste so I'm finishing the bottle.

What's going through my mind right now. I know it's based on several things:

• drinking. from the bottle. doesn't one get more schnockered drinking from the bottle than from a glass? there's belching involved, too. when do I ever belch when drinking from a glass?
• watching "Desperate Housewives" -- making SAHM'ism sexy...
• firing the cleaning service, a call to make tomorrow
• stress with work (stress = business trip)
• mister mrtl being away...
• being tired and really needing to hit the sack
• FUCK ME this bottle isn't really empty, is ti???? better order some more of the sweet guava goodness
• i hope I didn't just chip a tooth.
• when I'm walking i strut my stuff -- commercial for wendy's weeeeee!
•    

Disclosures all included, I think, I'm ready to admit it (lord help me now)...

The thought of being a SAHM totally intrigues me in this moment.

This makes no sense, and I'll tell you why.

• This was such a great weekend with the girls.
• I showed myself that I can get things done despite their presence.
• I'd be stupid to give up my job.
• I really need to hit the sack.
• I think I'd go insane dealing with the kids on a full-time basis. niy trs;;u. jsbrm
• yd ,p,d nrrm frs;omh eoyj rjyod pm gptrbrtz
• o
• , mpy trsfu yp hobr i[ ,u omfr[rmfrmvr/
• djpi;f o dsu yjsy shsomz oz
• yjrtr
• d tpsdy nrrg dyivl om ,u yrryj/ ot ammpus ,e/

Djpi;f O ne ypys;;u dvstrfz Strm

y yjr yjomhd yjsy vp,r piy ejrm zo

, yo[du nr yjr yjomhd yjsy str v;pdrdy yp ,u jrstyz

Update: Thank Andrea for the translation. Yes, maybe you do have too much time on your hands, but you're providing a valuable service.

• ... but really. haven'ts moms been dealing with ehtis on forever I'm not ready to give up my independence.
• should i say that again i there's roast beef stuck in my teeth. or annoys me. should I be totally scared aren't the things that come out when I'm tipsy be the things that are closest to my heart

Part of the problem here is that I'm becoming more of myself these days. The medicine is working itself out of my system. I'm experiencing less and less of the reactions of withdrawal. Less zingy-ness. It scares me more now more than ever that I'm feeling this way, tipsy or not.

Yes, therapy needed now more than ever. I'd held off to this point thinking I was so ... removed?? .. being on meds. Now that I'm getting back to myself, I need to work out some serious issues.

I need to accept the thought of not working as something I'd really like to do... For the girls.

To think it... cutting ties like that... terrifies me.

Comments

[Susie]

These decisions are so tough. Take it slowly. This might not be a bad time to get an objective third party to bounce things off of. (Uh, that would be a therapist, not like, a passer-by that you throw things at . . . ) You're in my heart.

[Cindy]

Terrifying and tough indeed. Take your time with the 'bounching things off' mode - you want to find the right bouncy ball, etc to not induce headaches with a therapist. :-)

Take care and take your time in making a decision...

[jana]

Being a SAHM is tough, but fun. Good luck, you will figure it all out. And the white wine is totally worth going off ketosis. Amen.

[mrtl]

holey jeebus

The gibberish? It's something, but I can't decode it now. I know my left hand was off a key, possibly the right, too. I can't remember what I wrote.

[Daphne]

Really? the gibberish is words? with meaning? I'm super curious now.

Anyway, I'm just here to cheer you the hell on. Yes yes yes. Here's to MRTL!

[Amber]

I think you're tough enough to stay at home! And the rewards WAY outway those of working imo. Getting to watch your kids grow up every minute of every day is frustrating sometimes and freakin' awesome all of the time!

I'll tell you some of my "keeping my sanity" secrets when we meet! :)

[dawn]

Thinking about therapy is difficult. Its a hard step, and not one to take lightly. As Susie said- take is slowly.

And, a bit of unsolicited advice:

Not all therapists are created equal. If you go to one you dont feel comfortable with, its not wrong to try another, and another, however long it takes to get the 'right' one.

I've seen one for one issue, and another for other issues. At different times of course. I will admit, to the public, on the internet, that I LOVE THERAPY. Its hard at the beginning, but finding the right one, feeling comfortable, and being able to know your safe no matter what you say- it feels so good.

Hugs to you sweet one.

[dawn]

By the way- it is better out of the bottle. No need to refill a little tiny glass ;-)

[amy]

Playing ketchup here, miss mrtl. HI!

I've missed your bullet points. And you.