mrtl

Squeeeee!

Hopefully this isn't a premature squeeeebilation.

The house across the street has been empty now for months. The owner has been trying to rent it out.

There's a couple over there now getting their cars in the driveway. There are two little kids, looking like they're about the same ages as Bug and Jem.

They look normal. hee

Ripped from the Headlines

an eagle am I
majestic, regal
hear the people gasp in awe
when they see me
"oh!" they cry
"how beautiful!"
beloved national bird
superior to those other scavengers
the ravens, the magpies
they scatter when I arrive
at the dump
I have first pick
and there,
what is that
amongst the orange peels
and Taco Bell wrappers?
aaaaah! a deer head!
just what I need
after I pick the skull dry
it shall adorn my nest
ha! I shall reign supreme
surpassing my current royalty
with this big head of mine

----

Eagle causes power outage
Web posted January 29, 2007
By KEN LEWIS
JUNEAU EMPIRE  http://www.juneauempire.com/

About 10,000 Juneau residents lost power Sunday after a bald eagle lugging a deer head crashed into an Alaska Electric Light & Power transmission system in Lemon Creek.

"You have to live in Alaska to have this kind of outage scenario," said Gayle Wood, an AEL&P spokeswoman. "This is the story of the overly ambitious eagle who evidently found a deer head in the landfill."

The meal was apparently too heavy. The eagle failed to clear transmission lines as it flew from the landfill toward the Lemon Creek Operation Center, she said. When a repair crew arrived, they found the eagle carcass with the deer head nearby.

The outage started about 9:45 a.m. and affected customers in Salmon Creek, Lemon Creek, the Mendenhall Valley and Out the Road, Wood said. It was completely fixed by 10:28 a.m.

"It was a speedy recovery because a crew was already mobilized, and because a customer managed to hear the explosion," Wood said. "So we were able to narrow it in pretty quickly."

The landfill has a program in place to discourage eagles, ravens and other birds from feeding, she said. But this eagle "got a hold of a little bit more than he could handle."

"This would have been a major score," Wood said. "That eagle would have been the king eagle of the Lemon Creek group."

To the Stupid Yappy Dog Next Door

Little obnoxious yappy dog next door
Barking barking barking
Yippity yap woorf woorf woorf
Shut the fuck up!

The fence between us is next to the room
Where my husband surely lies awake in bed
He worked all night last night
You're going to make him grumpy
Shut the fuck up!

I am trying to get some work done today
It's hard enough with the TV on
And distracting fun things to check out online
Without your woorfing
Shut.the.fuck.up!

I'm about to call the city
And suggest they dump the excess snow
On you
SHUT!THE!FUCK!UP!

Customer Service Request

Dear Jax,

Please save my marriage. We love playing Sequence for Kids with our 3-year-old toddler each night, but play time has become increasingly hostile. My husband and I argue over a particularly nonspecific rule, leaving our daughter to demand that we stop talking altogether.

The debate is over the vague rule about what to do when a card cannot be played because someone has used the unicorn card on the corresponding space on the board. My interpretation of your rule is that, if the player wants to replace the card, he may do so whenever he pleases. My husband's interpretation is that the player must first play other cards in hand where spaces are open on the board.

He further complicated the discussion by having two giraffes in hand with only one open giraffe space on the board. He insisted that, using my interpretation, he could replace one of the giraffes at will from the draw deck since he was unable to play it. I disagreed, saying that as long as there was a open giraffe space on the board, he was obligated to play his giraffe there before replacing the other.

Please clarify these matters for us. I'm at the point that I no longer want to include him in the damned game, else I want to slap him upside the head when he starts complaining of my tactics.

Thank you in advance,
mrtl

----

As I'm sure that this must be a huge issue for many of my devoted readers, I shall post their response when it is received, else I will bitch and moan that my request has gone ignored. Hopefully the latter is not the case; I meant every word of that last paragraph.

----

Update: That was quick! Here's the response.

So sorry this wonderful game has caused such conflict.  You can replace a dead card during your turn, even though you have other cards that can be played.  Concerning the giraffe, if he has both in his hand it would fall under the same rule, one would be a dead card and one not.  Hope this helps.  Maybe your daughter would like our, How Tall Am I? game, a little less room for discussion, and lots of fun.  I wish you many happy, peaceful hours playing our games.  I will be happy to answer anything I can for you.

Bring On the Angry Mob!

Señor Jorge W. Arbusto didn't elaborate much on his idea to have a "civilian reserve." If I may offer some suggestions as to the name of this new force:

• The Pitchfork Patrol
• The Baseball Bat Brigade
• The Ginzu Guard
• The Broken Bottle Battalion
• The Pepper Spray Platoon
• The Knitting Needle Ninjas
• The Soap-in-a-Sock Squadron (credit to mister mrtl for this)
• The Brass Knuckle Brigade
• The Mace Mount
• The Spork Soldiers (another nod to mister mrtl)

Enough. Time for bed. Any other ideas?

Plan for the Weekend

For quite some time when Slava was younger, he got bathed every other week. Then I started to slack. Then I had kids and slacking on such things became a way of life. I think I gave him a bath once when we lived in Texas, so it's been at least two years.

I am sick of the fur. There are dark black circles on his favorite resting spots, behind the endstand, on the guest bed, next to my pillow. I bought the wrong litter, not the non-tracking formula we've used in the past, so there's a lingering smell of litter wherever he's been.

He was always a good bather but never tolerant of being in there alone. I'd have to get in the tub to cuddle him while lathering him up. He'd stand in the water, tail low, head deep in my armpit, MOW-ing nonstop. Rarely would he try to fight his way out. But it's been years. I'd like to think that I'm physically stronger than I was in years past; I've been lugging around babies, right?

There's sure to be a lot of fur. I bet there'd be enough to make a pillow.

How to Bathe a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smoothe movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). Pay no attention to the pitiful mewing, and the hissing, it is completely normal. CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. The cat will self-agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore the ruckus from inside the toilet, the cat is enjoying this.)
6. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
7. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
8. Climb down from the top of the toilet and stand as far from it as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
9. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

hmmmmm...

I just saw a commercial for "Days of Our Lives." I don't watch stories; seeing the commercials is enough, you know?

Anyway, this commercial showed an apparent custody dispute over this cute little curly-haired girl; she's abducted (by the father?) and now they're "on the run." I swear it's the same cute little curly-haired girl from "What About Brian," a show I do watch. In WAB, the cute little curly-haired girl is the daughter of a couple that just separated (and not yet in any heated custody dispute), and she was just found to be hearing impaired.

I'm concerned for this cute little curly-haired girl. TWO broken families?? Chaos? Abduction? Deafness? What this all must be doing to her fragile psyche.

For His Entertainment

Mister mrtl insisted that I post something tonight "for him to read," -- didn't you pack five library books?? -- like that's going to be easy while I'm watching American Idol. Anyhoo, I'm going to try considering he's irked at me now because, after all the trouble he went through, tearing apart the house and making a special trip to get me a pass to get on base while he's out of town, my ID fell out of my purse today (it was lodged inside a post it pad THAT I CHECKED, DAMMIT!).

I'm on a new drug. One that makes me write poems. Bad poems -- woot! I'm back to normal! --. While I drive. Here's today's. I was planning on getting the new web camera set up to do a poetry reading with this, but that's not happening tonight. Sorry, folks. For the proper effect, give Harry a British accent.

As I bent to dry my hair
Something made me stop and stare
I spied upon my prickly pear
A single, random, silver hair

"Halloo!" it called, "How do you do?"
"Not very well now that I've seen you."
"Is anything worse than my debut?"
"I suppose if more did accrue."

Then my brain I did rack
Pondering my plan of attack
Menacingly my tweezers I did clack
Then dove in... Fucker fought back

"NO!" he cried, "I will not go!"
As I yanked him to and fro
"You'll regret this! More will grow!"
"I'll pull each one as they show!"

Pulling again with pain-fearing dread
First off came the hairy head
"Damn you, hair! BEGONE!" I said
And gone he was, leaving a welt of red

What is left of me is uncontrolled:
A poignant sense of growing old
Forgive me for what I could not withhold
And with that, my tale is told

Someone call the WAHmbulance! Or not.

Story Time with mrtl

A couple years after marrying mister mrtl, mrtl realized it may be handy to get herself a military ID card. She was thinking about getting into shape (yes, historical trend here) and wanted to use the free gym on base. One day she went and had the requisite picture taken and obtained her ID. Oh the joy! Not being the most photogenic girl, she was thrilled that the picture was most becoming.

Fast forward several years later, time to get an updated ID card. Mrtl held out as long as she could. She loved her ID card. The picture was so cute! Surely the next picture would be horrid. She grumpily went to get her new card. It was a week before Bug was conceived, before pregnancy and the nasty San Angelo water ravaged her hair and its lovely highlights. Again, surprise and amazement! The picture was wonderful!

Fast forward to this week. The second, lovely ID card was to expire this Sunday, so a new card had to be obtained by today. On Tuesday, mrtl and mister mrtl were about running errands but didn't make it to the personnel office, so Wednesday mrtl got cuted up -- again -- and headed down there. After waiting for more than half and hour (during which time she continued knitting Carrie the Doll -- more on this later), she was told that mister mrtl had to be present in order for her to get a new ID. Blast! So yesterday, mister mrtl headed to the personnel office after pulling a mids to meet mrtl -- cuted up for the third day in a row -- there. The new ID came out. Picture? meh. Mister mrtl questioned the October '07 expiration date (these usually are good for at least four years), so another card had to be made. Another chance! The picture on the second card was worse. Mrtl didn't even show it to mister mrtl.

----

Is Karma looking out for me? Is that why the new ID card disappeared? I know I had it in the truck yesterday when I went to pick up the kids. I was pretty sure I grabbed it to bring it in the house. I've dumped my purse and checked all pockets. We've searched the truck, the driveway, the garage, Jem's car seat and the house. It's gone. I ended up giving the girls breakfast here, then signing in at the gate to get on base. To get a replacement, we'd have to go back today (or wait till he gets back from his trip next week), but mister mrtl was a tired boy and I'm going to dinner for Mom's Night Out tonight so there will be no chance for a nap if I were to drag him over there.

This is a major inconvenience. Each day next week I'll have to sign in at the gate... (or wait... maybe mister mrtl can get me a pass. We'll have to check on that before he leaves.) I won't be able to go to the commissary or BX while he's gone.

Of course I'll find the ID after I go through the trouble of getting a replacement, dragging mister mrtl with me. Of course I'll scan the picture to post here, but only if the new one is super cute.

59

That's the difference in temperature over the last 48 hours -- -22 on the way to work Tuesday night and 37 on the way down to Anchorage for dinner tonight.  I'm beginning to see why locals wear flip flops when it's 40...