mrtl

It's 'What's Worse' Time Again

Continued...

What's worse than schlepping two kids and all the requisite crap home from Maryland on my own? Gee, let's see.

• Needing to cancel the once-home plans to order pizza and eat in bed in our pajamas while watching The Little Mermaid because Things Go Wrong. (Read on.)
• Delays, delays, delays... getting to Anchorage two hours later than scheduled.
• The airline checking the stroller -- an absolute necessity for the schlepping -- in Seattle.
• The loaner wheelchair not quite holding everything as necessary.
• Discovering at baggage claim that they've managed to lose a suitcase as well.
• It's the suitcase holding all our coats, hats and gloves.
• Alaska is fucking cold.
• Did I mention Bug's little jacket disappeared on the plane?
• More delays with our ride since he had other people to move. Home four hours later than scheduled.
• The Jem meltdown began when we hit the front door.
• The cat has needs, too.
• Fucker wouldn't use the new litter box with the kitty door.
• He liked our bed more.
• And Bug's playhouse.
• I didn't realize he pissed on the bed till a few hours after the three of us crashed.
• We crashed in The bed.
• Discovering the kitchen sink is still leaking (after emergency service the day before we flew out).
• Still on Maryland time, we were wide awake at 3:30.
• Hearing several messages from the credit card company about the fraudulent charges made... almost forgot I had that on my list of Shit to Deal With Upon Arriving at Home.
• When I call the credit card company, turns out whoever took it was able to call and change the pin to withdraw cash. How the fuck did they know my mother's maiden name? Fishy. Fishy. Fishy.
• There's paperwork I need to obtain for Jem to start daycare. More running around.
• Don't I need to work today?

In the interest of full discosure, or Counting One's Blessings as some may like to call it, or seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty, I'll admit that not all has been a test of the Zoloft. The following has gone well:

• Jem didn't puke on the flight home. (Her carseat was lined warmly, so Bug could use her blanket when we went outside.)
• Both girls handled the flight extremely well under the circumstances.
• Having door-to-door shuttle service meant no schlepping outside with no coats.
• Having to wait for pickup meant time to stop and eat (and drink a huge margarita that incidentally cost more than my burger).
• The plumber will be out today.
• The airlines found the bag with the coats and will be delivering it soon.
• Waking up so early, I had time to put everything together needed to get Jem to daycase today afterall.
• The daycare allowed Jem to hang out with them so I didn't have to schlep her around while gathering the paperwork, and the almond latte picked up on that errand was quite yummy.

The trip home was wonderful, albeit exhausting, and ache-inducing (since Jem wouldn't sleep in the playard, we had her in bed with us and woke up stiff and sore every morning). No pastries up were fucked, although I did get me some pie. (I think it's time for Cat and Kelly to get their asses up to Alaska for our next pastry-eating outing.) Bug got to the Aquarium, the National Zoo and her first movie (the latter with Susie and her Jif, LG and two neices). Hugs delivered.

Now I work. ttfn

A Call to Arms (and Asses)

This is a solicitation
One I trust you won't ignore
Because it is to help a lady,
A friend we all adore

She's made us laugh
She's made us cry
And surely wet some pants
Especially of late I'm sure
You'd hug her
If given the chance

Well, here's your opportunity
(Vicariously, if you please)
To hug the hell out of Susie
(Where hell = WTF disease)

That's right, folks, I'll be seeing her
::singing:: In all the old familiar places..." (or not)
So get your rat's ass ready
And leave some warm embraces

How much blove can we gather
For our dear Susie?
(And how many requests can we send
For a note from Aaron and/or Rosie??)

Go on now, and SPREAD THE WORD
Note that your mission ends pretty soon
You have until this Saturday
Let's say, for rhyme's sake, at noon

----

HELP! Rosie's comments are off. Does anyone have an email address? (The View's site doesn't have one listed for her.) GAH!

Gently, please, with a chainsaw

You know it's going to be a bad day...

...when the list of things to do is too long to fathom completing in one day on my own with the kids

...when these things must be done today because we're flying out at the crack ass of dawn tomorrow

...when I turn on the kitchen faucet to make a bottle and water floods from the cabinet below

...when I discover the cost of having a plumber come out on a Saturday isn't cheap, but hell if I'm coming home to deal with it

...when, after rushing to clear everything out from under the sink and mop up the floor, Bug announces that Jem has just puked

...when, after cleaning up Jem, I realize that there's a puddle in the chair next to her, and it's fallen down a crack onto the chair holding the booster seat, and it's a slimy, nasty mess that makes me want to puke, too

...when I discover that Jem has crapped by the sight of brown on her outfit (this kid never blows out)

...when Jem pukes and blows out one more time each (and I did appreciate that the second puke didn't go through the crack this time), requiring at least one extra load of laundry to be added to the list of things to do

...when Ask-a-Nurse-on-a-High-Horse tells me that flying with a baby with a stomach virus is NOT A GOOD IDEA, as everyone in the family is sure to get it and be miserable and you will make everyone on the plane miserable and you will probably make them ALL sick, too

...when, after all of the above distractions, there's still the damned list of things to do, which has nary been touched all day

...when Bug has her third poop of the day, and -- pardon the bad pun -- shit ain't looking good

...when, after braving a trip to the store for supplies, Jem isn't cooperating and drinking her Pedialyte

...when, instead of working on the list while Jem sleeps, I blog about it all and realize that it's only 4:00

...when I dread the knowledge that this list is sure to be continued.

Sharing the Beauty

Have a listen.

We'll be flying out tomorrow, and I may not be around. Happy Thanksgiving!

Listed

Meme stolen from Andrea

The rules: You can only type one word. No explanations.

1. Yourself: restless
2. Your significant other: dreamy
3. Your hair: better
4. Your mother: hug
5. Your father: soon
6. Your favorite item: giggles
7. Your dream last night: unknown
8. Your favorite drink: fruity
9. Your dream car: tt
10. The room you are in: disarray
11. Your ex: unconsidered
12. Your fear: loss
13. What you want to be in 10 years: settled
14. Who you hung out with last night: family
15. What you're not: tired
16. Muffins: muffin-topped
17: One of your wish list items: cruise
18: Time: more
19. The last thing you did: blogged
20. What you are wearing: gray
21. Your favorite weather: fallish
22. Your favorite book: ashamed
23. The last thing you ate: pie
24. Your life: charmed
25. Your mood: relaxed
26. Your best friend (s): asleep
27. What are you thinking about right now: monitor
28. Your car: Vannie
29. What are you doing at the moment: listening
30. Your summer: cold
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your tv: paused
33. What is the weather like: frigid
34. When is the last time you laughed: hour

My Kind of Nail Place

It's nice to get a sanity break, to get out and finally get the nails done (what with the recent chomping and dryness and yuckiness of them) and watch one of the regulars get a good dose of harrassment during her pedi. Some of the choice joshing included:

Employee #1: Wow! There's a lot of crap on your feet! How long has it been since you've been in?
Regular: I'm not sure... [to Employee #2] How long has it been?
Employee #2: Smells like five weeks.

Employee #1: [after several minutes of using a callous remover on her foot] Can you feel it now?

Employee #1: [holding trashcan up to Regular] See all that skin? It's all yours! Do you want to take it home and put it in a shadow box?
Employee #2: I could make a sculpture out of it!

Note: Employee #2 was responsible for the most clever candle wax sculpture displayed on their front counter. He apparently got bored at work one day and let a candle drip. It looked like a dragon.

The Wisdom of Preschoolers

Bug's team was playing in the gym with a team from another room when I arrived to pick her up today. She wasn't quite ready to leave, so I sat down and proceeded to swat away the kids that buzzed around Jem in her carseat.

This one kid from the other class came over, insulting Jem. Little shit. He first asked, "Is that a boy or a girl?" Upon hearing my response, he followed with, "She's got funny hair. It's combed. Does she get her hair cut?" Consider yourself slapped, little shit, and you're one to talk with your crappy My Daddy is Military and I Gots Me a Matching Buzz Cut.

I dismissed him and resumed my happier, non-offensive conversation with D, one of Bug's friends. But the little shit wouldn't go away. Instead he impressed upon me his intelligence. Included in his diatribe were the following pearls:

• When you grow up and get married you can have a baby in your belly.
• When I grow up and marry a princess I can have a baby in my belly.

... Silly me, I thought I'd be kind and correct this ill-conceived (ha - an unexpected pun) notion, remarking that maybe his princess wife could have a baby in her belly, but not him, that only girls can have babies in their bellies and not boys...

• My mommy told me that when I'm 15 I can have a baby in my belly.
• My mommy told me that when I'm 16 I can have a baby.

... Yeah, silly me. If that's the tree he fell from...

What's Precious

Hug them tight.

My cousin lost her youngest last night. It's crushing to imagine what they're going through.

Popping the Martini Cherry

Last night, Moms' Night Out. I behaved, ordering a salad with salmon. Then... then.

I've never been too keen on vodka. Aside from the rare screwdriver or v&cranberry, I avoid it. I figured martinis were pretty much straight vodka... ew!

The menu last night offered a most enticing chocolate martini. I passed, going instead for the pineapple upside down martini. Goodness me. It slipped me into such a state of bliss.

Then I ordered some Boston Creme Pie at the end and ate the whole damned thing. Honestly, the martini was better. I can't believe I just said that.

Mindless Babbling

I'm really trying to get back into the blogging groove, so I'm posting every day. What to do when it's a busy day with work and dealing with the kiddos? When the boobs are starting to smart from not nursing (so much for cutting out gradually -- girlfriend is addicted to her formula and wants nothing to do with me now -- last time I tried to nurse she took two swigs, turned her head, nose slightly upturned -- yes she did I saw it -- and did the milk hand) and I'm tired and just want to drink my tea, watch Grey's and go to bed?

Here you are.