My Momma is a Whore and I'm Going to Hell with an STD

There's this website that states that in no uncertain terms, "Only whores use frozen orange juice." I don't squeeze fresh oranges, either, and since I have nothing to do with the purchase of the bottled stuff -- my GASP husband GASP does that -- I must be just as much of a whore for it. Besides, I sealed the deal of my whoredom with the other definition of a whore on the site: "Only whores initiate sex."

I'm not going to post a link because this person is deranged and is obviously phishing for hits to her site. I'd much rather link to more amusing sites, like Landover Baptist (check out the happenin' WWJD thong!). I did comment there, though, basking in the glow of my whoredom. Her response (to me and a Christian chick whom I'm proud to say is a fellow whore and friend)? "Those other ladies could learn a bit about honesty from the two of you. However, bragging about your whoredom will not get you into Heaven. I'm sure you know how many whores are beaten by both their pimps and their "johns." And of course STD's are a perk of your work. Don't you care that decent man will ever want you??"

O.M.G. (and that's for Oh Mah Gock, by the way) Not squeezing oranges to make fresh juice for my apparently indecent husband (er, my pimp and "john") is going to get me beaten and give me an STD, too? Egads! Who knew oranges could lead to such mayhem?

Comments

[Closet Metro]

You're full of my kind of mayhem.

[mrtl]

Oh Metro - You're so sweet!

[Lazy Lightning]

I love reading that woman's comments on that post. She doesn't address the serious questions, etc. She just insults the folks who disagree with her. Totally nuts.

Yeah. We buy the cartons... or (GASP) the crystal light powder. Totally going to hell.

[mrtl]

LL - Love the new name! Crystal Light powder? Love the stuff, but have to double to water to make it potable. Otherwise - Y.U.K.

[Von Krankipantzen]

After reading that post I swear I have never laughed so hard in my life. De-lu-sion-al.

[Susie]

I thought she was a hoot. I married my "john." He squeezes the oranges around here. I was tickled to see that miss thang over there put us together, going to hell with our bruises and our STDs.
You just never know what the day will bring. This morning, as I got ready for church, little did I imagine in a matter of hours I'd be basking in the glow of my whoredom :)

[Daphne]

I have no idea what post you're talking about. Just for the record. I'm pretty sure I'm in your club (the whore/STD/pimp/GASP!!! She knits instead of cleaning!!! club) too though. :)

[kristine]

Guess what this whore did?

I BOUGHT SUNNY DELIGHT!

I'm a WHOLLLLLLE new kinda whore.

I'm a whore with a tangy twist.

[william]

I heard Viatmin C helps fend off STD

[Dima]

My favorite part from that one lady's list is "a fat man is a faithful man!"

[ieatcrayonz]

I can't get over the fact that I keep reading Landover Baptist as Bendover Baptist.

I'm going to go say some "Hail Mary's" now.

[kerri]

Phew! Glad I never liked oranges. ; )

[amy]

I like the rhyme,
"perk of your work".

[eclectic]

Where the heck have I been? I missed this one, and it's hilarious!! Fruit must really be the root of all evil. First Adam and the apple, and now this.