Of all the things I'd like to accomplish tonight with the cleaners coming tomorrow and all, and considering Jem's tendancy to screech and the need to triage my priorities, I settled on two Must Do's: pump and shower. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, you see, and I'd really rather not take Jem to it. Mister mrtl will be home tomorrow. Sleeping, but here. So tonight I planned to pump so I could leave her to hopefully cuddle with him in bed and sleep with him.
After finally getting her settled in bed (and hopefully to sleep until 4:30 like she did last night), I had a glass of wine to relax myself to get pumpin'. Well, what do you know. One glass didn't work, so I poured a second. We all know what ONE glass of wine does to me (see my last post if you don't). So now not only am I fucking drunk, but I've got the munchies and am working on a roll of Ritz crackers (to go with my string cheese since I don't have any port wine cheese and Club crackers damnit), which I will surely finish, which makes me feel so bad about my bwopping because I've already been bad today, what with the
::tangent for a taste of Heaven::
Today I took my girls to Fred Meyer. The last time we went, Bug bugged me about wanting to go into the playground,
::tangent within a tangent to describe::
Fred Meyer has "Freddy's Playland," where they offer an hour's worth of free care while parents are a-shoppin'. I need to ask another mom of a kid Bug's age to join me sometime for coffee to take advantage of this. It was wonderful.
::end tangent within a tangent to describe::
and even though we were only there for a couple things, I caved and signed her in before I went to the register. When I went back a few minutes later, she pretty much told me to go away. ("I'm not ready to come out!") She was having too much fun. So like any accommodating/enabling Momma, I took the opportunity to take myself straight....
::tangent within a tangent within a tangent because I want to::
Just mentioning that the second glass is now hitting me, and it took me fucking forever to write this because even though I'm drunk I'm still too fucking anal about my spelling and grammar to ignore the typos.
::end tangent within a tangent within a tangent because I want to::
...to the in-store Starbucks for a caramel latte and some milk chocolate covered graham crackers. O.M.G. those graham crackers. I could live off of them, you know. Fuck nutrition. I love them.
::tangent within a tangent within a tangent because... I'm confused::
I'm confused now. Where the fuck was I? I'm so drunk. This is pathetic.
::end tangent within a tangent within a tangent because... I'm confused::
::end tangent for a taste of Heaven::
Later I bribed Bug to take Daddy dinner (since he didn't have time to pack it) with strawberry ice cream, which of course I helped her eat.
I'm not on a diet. I'm not on a diet. I'm NOT on a diet. Even though I signed up to be on the Debu_team today, I'm not on a diet. I'm taking advantage of breastfeeding to lose my baby weight, is all.
Why settle for great lashes when you could be fabulash? I want to be fabulash. I need to trash all my makeup, though, because the media has told me all my shit is old. Oh shit. I'm so drunk. WTF am I talking about now? And I'm almost finished with the roll of Ritz. And I can't stop laughing. Goodness me. Dios mio.
That should have been a tangent, but now I'm too drunk/lazy to make it one. Give me another Ritz. (3/4 through the roll now). I should be pumping but I can't stop my fingers from typing this ridiculous shit. I do hope you're amused; I'm certainly amusing myself. And may I also say I'm totally impressing myself because I'm taking the 6 out of myself and the r out of because and correcting all my typos even though I am fucking up every word.
For the sake of amusing my readers, I will not correct anythig more. I'll let you sete just how crappily I type whn I'm working on two glasses of wine. Shit. Now aI'm typing more slowly twso I do'nt mess up. And it's making me laugh so hard. I feel like Charlie in Glowers for Algernon. bug but I'm not retrted. I'm trying to shard not to spit 9ut my ritz now. sheeeeit. i hope yo're as amuse as i am that i'm not correcting my typing.
i otold mr mistrl that i would be posting soon. he's wrking a wswing tonight. lol i should be pumping. ew the ritz are lik paste in my mouth an i can't stop laughing i am going to wake the girls. I need to get in control of myself. Look at how my concentration affects my typing. I'mtotaly caoncentrated now -- now I 'm not I'm laughing again and at hw I screwe that up. enough already I need to ftgo take a shower. and try to upump somwe smore. Smore - chocolate mmmmmmmm... Stacye? are you evenr going to post again? I's been so long!
::tangent for PSA::
Talk to your doctor about PHV. It can lead to ceerviacal cancrrer. It almost edid for me. Really.
::tan end tangent for PSA::
I kdon't like editing my jo NOT enditing myself. Gah!
::end tangent for PSA::
The End.\
::end tangent for `racker note::
I'm sipitting out my titz now - hee titz 0-- i i have gou t four cracker left in my roll. good thing ai don't have the bo x here to look at the ==nose eitch-- health contoent of the crakers because i'd totallhy be freaking out now becuae u i burned 100 no 10 no guck you hands 200 calories last ngight on my ddrDDR. hahahahahahahhaa i'm going to wak e th e girls with my alaughing. I hope my moherther's not reading this my cheeck itches now i can't belivee i'm such a lightweight.
end tangetn:: end tangent ofr cracker note - shit i'm laughing to hard now""
I think i'll go take a shower now. I ope I don't drown. ti I think I oewe mister mrtl a dollar for togay because i'm not going to dance otnnight. I feel guliltiny about working tonihtght with my current state. Sheeeeeeit.
My mothuth ois psasty wiht ritz.
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p.s. to mister mrtl i totally smell the cat shit please clean out the little littler litter when you get home bacbecuause it emsmalsmells =-= luaghing so ghard -- liek shit as well it should but i't's making em \\skcik ti you. yo.
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uopgdate: i have now finished the roll of tiritz -- heheh titxz -- and i really don't liek commandr in chand chiefl.
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i still haven't let down. wtf?