Bustin' Out (and Big Wiener)

ohmaygockmyboobshurtsomuchitmustbelike1000piercingsdonesimultaneously

Would you believe me if I said that nursing hurts more than birth? Fuck you if you don't. For the birth I had drugs. And I don't have to give birth every other hour around the clock.

::tangent::
For those of you who have considered having kids and letting them clamp and chomp their vicelike gums on your nipples for nourishment, please understand that the pain will subside. Hopefully in a week. I'm really hoping it's just a week, because I've refused to nurse in Bug's presence due to the pain (and that I suck at acting and can't pretend it feels like sunshine and buttercups) and won't be able to continue that after my mother goes home.
::end tangent::

It's really a good thing that she's so damned cute. She's endeared herself to me in how she noshes at my cheek when she's hungry. She has the cutest cheeks, so of course I nosh her right back.

----

I have a lot to catch up on here. My weekend at home was spent in boob torture. My off-boob torture time has been spent with Bug, who managed to get herself sick on Friday and has been quite the miserable, snotty, coughing mess. It sucks especially because she was soooo excited about Jem coming home and I'd like nothing more than to let her hold, kiss and cuddle her little sister. Still, when I get a chance I'll be writing some catch up posts, including one on Valentine's Day, Bug's counting, Jem's name, uncivil people, and of course pictures of my sweet girls. (This list is to serve as a reminder for me.) Oh yes, I also need to check on the big wiener of the Evict Frida Contest... let's get that done now. Hold on a sec...

While I'm gone, mark your calenders. Tuesday, February 21, 2006 shall be Duck Fart Day! Mister mrtl and I are taking Jem to a doctor's appointment, then hitting the Duck Fart place for lunch. I shall nurse in the van before we head in. At least that's the plan. Hopefully Bug will be feeling better and we won't need to take her to the doctor as well. If so, we may have to take another run into town later in the afternoon. Otherwise we'll be serving up the farts at home.

----

Ok - Drum roll please...

There was one contestant who dared guess so far out, and she shall reap the reward(s) for the risk. With a guess of February 17 at 7:17am, the Big Wiener of the homemade adult diaper is...

wordgirl! Congratulations!!

----

p.s. I posted Jem's birth story on her site.

Comments

[Dima]

Ah, the breast feeding pain stories. Note to self: do not have children!
It's good having you and your tangents back :)
A kiss and a hug to JEM!

[JD's Rose]

mrtl, that post scared me. I am going to learn as much as I can through your pain... *evil grin*

xxx

[Ern]

Thank you. My daily dose of blog-reading birth control has come from mrtland today. :) Good to see you back at the computer!

[william]

Congratulations MRTL. I am glad to see you are back. And you are right Jem's cheeks are so noshable.

[kalki]

One of my nipples has been sore this weekend and I couldn't figure out why. But now I know...sympathy pains! Not that the soreness compares, obviously. But still - when your nipples hurt, my nipples hurt.

Yeah okay, I just weirded MYSELF out.

[Adrienne]

I've heard a lot about the nipple pain. I'm bent on breastfeeding when the time comes, and am sensitive anyway, so I'm sure this task is going to kick my ass. I'm off to read the birth story now!

[Jana]

Oh the nipple pain, not so bad. I had to stop breastfeeding, and the engorging of the boobies was MUCH worse. Imagine me, walking around with cabbage leaves on my boobs. Not a pretty sight.

I can't wait to be completely immersed in baby-blogging. I am going to love to hear all of your stories!! Did I mention how absolutely BEAUTIFUL she is???

And gah! I don't think I will have time to get the needed ingredients today for the duck farts, maybe I have a tequila shot I could do instead....

[cat]

Ah, the days of cracked and bleeding nipples, and the excruciating pain of teensy tiny babies with unnaturally fierce suckling abilities chomping "their vicelike gums" (great descritption, BTW) on said cracked and bleeding nipples and tugging away for all they are worth while the new momma softly cries "owowowowowowowowowowow!" through gritted teeth...

*sniff*

Those were the days.

(Lansinoh totally worked for me.)

[wordgirl]

Yay for me! That is one beautiful baby, mrtl! You did a great job!

[Sharkey]

This post almost makes me glad I don't have nipples anymore. I'm having ghost pains just hearing you describe it.

But that Jem, she's totally worth it. What a beautiful girl!

[candace]

Yeah, for me the initial pain subsided, only to be replaced with let-down pain so severe that I had to grip *something*, anything, every time my children nursed.

Every.single.time.

Apparently it's quite rare. Go me.

[LadyBug]

Congrats to wordgirl!

I should probably be emailing this little piece of assvice, but do you have any Lansinoh? (Hang on, lemme get a link...Okay, here it is.) That stuff was a godsend for me. I had SUCH pain with the first two kids...the cracking, the bleeding, OUCH. With Big Boy, I packed the Lansinoh (it's a lanolin-based ointment) into the bag I took to the hospital, and I applied it after EVERY SINGLE nursing session. I had NO boob pain, nursing him. Absolutely NONE. It was amazing...and SUCH a relief.

You should be able to find the Lansinoh at your local pharmacy. The Wal-Mart here in Small Town even carried it, back when I was pregnant with Big Boy. I'm not sure if they still do. If you can't find it (and SOON...the sooner, the better), let me know, and I'll see what I can come up with.

Love and hugs to you and your precious family, mrtl.

[ScottyGee]

Congratulations! A very cute baby with a full head of baby hair too. Hola, Jem!

Sorry about your boobs. Just remember that boobies make the world go round though. At least my world. Hehehe.

[Hänni]

mrtl I thought the duck fart thing was a community project... like we'd all be doing it on a certain day and maybe post pics somewhere?....

Can't wait to hear more about precious Jem. Oh, and so, thanks to your stories of cranky cooch, membrane stripping, and now boob noshing, I don't think I will ever have children.

Many thanks for circumventing what would surely be torturous far beyond anything that Karen could provide. And that's saying a lot, because Karen is always a douchebag.

[AndreaBT]

In total sympathy on the nursing pain. It was actually better second time around for me, so I'm guessing yours should clear up pretty quickly too. Otherwise, glad you're doing fine. Enjoy the duck fart today!

[Daphne]

Hurrah! I really like that Wordgirl, so I'm glad she won.

I really like you, too, so it's nice to have you back posting! I'm looking forward to the list fulfillment...

[Kristine]

YOUR HOME!! YAY!!!

I'm so happy you're back. Give little baby loves for me too. EAT THEM CHEEKS!

[Pissy Britches]

Holy shit woman
You crack me up

Would you believe me if I said that nursing hurts more than birth? Fuck you if you don't.

I did not breast feed..I am glad sometimes.

[mrtl]

A few words about Lansinoh - Yes, I have some. It hasn't helped so far, but maybe I should be using it more.

Hänni - I wanted to give more notice on the duck farts, but it was necessary to take advantage of the opportunity when it arose. Mister mrtl and I were in closer proximity to the Peanut Farm today, and as it was I was really close to busting open a bottle of red wine last night to have a shot of that (yes - wine shooters - I was that desperate to go numb). I stuck to my resolve, though, to make the duck fart the first postnatal drink. Maybe I'll have a glass of wine tonight...

[lawbrat]

I'm sorry about your boobies :-(
That is such horrible pain, its toe-curling each time baby 'latches on', and latch on they do.
I also used Lansinoh with my second one, and oh boy was I a happy nurser! (after a day off, with pumping, to heal).

Love you to!

[Girl.A]

Young McMrtl had a babe, eieio. And after that babe she had some farts.

With a Dick Fart here and a Dick Fart there, here a fart, there a fart, every where a Dick Fart!

Young McMrtl had a babe, eieio.

[Girl.A]

Duuuuuuck Fart, sorry.
;)

[AndreaBT]

Girl.A's uncorrected lyrics had me cracking up, in any case :)

[Girl.A]

Yeah, umm, AndreaBT, that was a typo. ;)

[Girl.A]

NOT!

[Amy]

Oh my love, the nipples. I forgot about the nipples. All three of my kids had thrush, so after the excruciating first couple of weeks, when things had settled down to a dull ache, THEN I had burning hotness happening. Ugh. If I could take some of the pain away darlin, I would.

[Amy]

Wine shooters! Ha!

[Bente]

Considering my nipples are already killing me on a daily basis I'm thinking breast feeding this one won't feel too nice. Knowing me I won't keep it up too long anyway, but never say never. Good luck with things getting cleared up before your Mom leaves!

I just love little Jem. She is so beautiful. I can't wait until our girl gets here every time I look at her little face.

[mrtl]

Girl.A - Male queef? (Go figure I haven't a clue how to spell queef.) ew.

[Girl.A]

You spelled it right!

[Heathen]

I'm late to the whole boob thing.

I hear your pain. I think I cried through every single nursing the first couple of weeks. Lansino stuff works wonders... as did just walking around completely topless all of the time (hey any old excuse not to get dressed).

I'm glad you and jem are doing so well :)

[Susie]

I didn't read everything, but I did see mention of Lansinoh. It saved my nipples' life, I tell you. I slathered it on ALL the time. My child knew no milk other than Lansinoh-flavored milk (except when it was Lansinoh and blood flavored milk. You know what I'm talking about, cracked, bleeding nipples. Yes, I said it. Nursing is NOT for wusses!). I put it on generously before showering. Do you hear what I'm saying? It is your friend.

[RL Susie]

I believe you. The first few weeks of nursing is such a bitch. Hang in there sister! Have you tried those things called Soothies? I didn't but heard from friends that they helped.