Does This Make Me a Kept Woman?

Subtitle: Lambasting Gaiety

Kelly is yet again trying to put the rest of us to shame with this talk of her and Rob's lovey dovey crap. How DARE she make Reader's Digest romantic? Ours (a subscription that my parents insist on renewing for Christmas each year) stay in the hall bathroom, where they are only read by me -- well, Bug pretends to read them while she pretends to use her potty -- when Trudy (yes, I've named the protruding bitch) is making an appearance. But while mister mrtl and I rarely cook together, and never dance, and certainly don't sit around reading Reader's Digest jokes to each other, we've got something special, too, damnit! My man will forsake his convictions out of his love for me.

This is about so much more than his rise to the status of "My Sugar Daddy."

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
                                      ~ Lewis Carroll

Actually, we'll just skip down to the pigs. The answer is a resounding YES. Pigs have wings. They're flying as we speak! For two reasons, the first of which being my finally writing my Good Deed entry for Motif Monday. The second is the story itself. In a nutshell:

Merry Christmas to Me!

Yes, this is what I've refused to talk about, afraid of jinxes. Afraid that it wouldn't happen. But it will. So I will. And, as it would turn out, it's totally not my good deed, but my husband's.

::tangent::
The Good Deed motif was initially inspired by Danielle, who has been especially kind to the homeless this winter (and who was recently rewarded BIG time by Karma for her sweetness -- you go, girl!). There have been other bloggers who have spoken of such acts of good will; I didn't write them down, so of course I don't remember who they are, so I apologize for not acknowledging them.

My plan was to set this motif in order to encourage myself (and anyone participating) to get out and do something, but I got severely sidetracked. "Sidetracked" isn't quite the word for it. "Sidelined" may be a better choice. And "shocked." It was around the same time that I got The Email from mister mrtl. Apparently a conversation that we had recently had resonated in him. As inconsequential as I believed it to be, it caused him to reevaluate his long-held beliefs, for me.
::end tangent::

And now, in my typical fashion, I will overanalyze the entire process that brought us here. Feel free to skip along to your next RSS. I spent too many hours trying to trim this down to no avail. Sorry!

The subject of The Email was "Truck vs. Minivan."

Let's back up a bit. We bought the truck last February to replace Otto. Otto was my truck; he was paid off, completely by me. His value, unfortunately, wasn't much more than a piece of panda poop -- a bronzed one at that -- and since I was sure I didn't want to have another used car, but we really needed something bigger, there was no way I was going to be buying the replacement on my own. For the first time ever, mister mrtl and I were going to make a mutual vehicle purchase, but he was going to be paying a lot more than I.

In February, when mister mrtl was doing the research on what we'd get next, he asked what I wanted. I told him that I'd like to be able to get in the back with the Bug and close the door, to be able to get her settled and get myself into the front seat without having to get back out of the car. This was for me a matter of personal safety (being the kind who, when alone, quickly gets in and locks the doors). We had some friends with an SUV that had this capability (i.e., no installed console between the front seats). Turns out theirs was one of the few, yet one of the most expensive, with this option. Mister mrtl made a comment at the time that what I was describing was either well out of our price range or a minivan.

"Minivan." ::Recoil in horror!:: We both had been violently opposed to becoming those people: minivan owners. It was a matter on which we agreed since early on. The matter was promptly dropped.

The real question here is WHY was it dropped? Because I honestly detest minivans and all the selling out of one's youth and identity that they represent? Because I held mister mrtl's detestation of the same with more weight because of the financial circumstances? Should I have been more adamant about what I wanted, despite my maybe not-so-accurate belief that this would be more of his truck since he would be paying most of the loan? More importantly, and what I can't recall now, is did I have the requisite foresight necessary at the time to force the minivan option? I know for sure that I didn't feel so strongly then that I would buy a van if I could afford it (while now I would). Did I consider the weather in Alaska (a possibility at the time, but not a definite)? Did I consider the ease (or lack thereof) of getting a second Bug into the back seat? I still don't have these answers. Part of me thinks I let it drop too easily because -- bottom line -- it wasn't going to be "my" car.

::tangent::
I've talked about the money situation between us, about my consternation with being dependent on someone else. Well, here's where I shot myself in the foot. I should have been more vocal about it, insisting that we at least look at a van.
::end tangent::

Either way, I let the matter drop. We got the 4Runner, and after getting to Alaska and trying to be patient with Bug, who insists on getting herself into her car seat in her own sweet time, no matter how cold and/or wet it is outside, I am kicking myself. With the shot foot. Ouch. So it came up again not too long ago how I was seeing some challenges in getting Bug and Frida into the truck, as well as trying to nurse in there. I never expected, nor was I looking for mister mrtl to actually consider getting a new vehicle. Just talking. We do that. An "I see some issues, but I'll deal" kind of talking. Some time later, could have been a week or longer, or not, I got The Email.

Since he first brought it up, I tried to distance myself from believing it would actually happen. I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't want to pressure him, to make him feel obligated to follow through if he changed his mind, if the dealership wouldn't take his offer. I expected it to fall through, and was prepared for that.

Well, today the dealership called, accepting his offer. Mister mrtl is buying me the van. It is to be mine (I doubt he'll ever want to drive it) and should be here in the next week or two. I did a very good job at suspending my belief. I'm still in shock.

----

Who participated?

Hänni

Comments

[Bente]

Good for you mrtl and mr. mrtl! Sounds like this van will make life way easier.

[Adrienne]

Ooo, a HONDA van. Those are supposed to be really nice - it's not the same as like... a Dodge Caravan or whatever, it's way cooler than that.

A while back I asked Ryan if it was heartless to have a definite idea of how many kids I want, if my sole reasoning being what kind of cars I'd have to be restricted to driving with more than that. He didn't think it was TOO horrible.

[jana]

I was at first like you. I bought the SUV. I even had someone at my gym say to me, "Oh, I saw your car, I'm so glad you're a cool mom and don't have a minivan."

But then last April we did it. And I can honestly say it was the best jump into adulthood I ever made! YOU WILL LOVE IT.

You will sing its praises. You will scoff the naysayers. Trust me, all will be good!!

And you'll still be Mrtl, rocking with your awesome self in a minivan!!

[Dima]

A MINIVAN? WHO ARE YOU? It's like I don't know you anymore! Well, if that's what you really want, then congrats!

I have no idea how this happened, but somehow my parents got out with always owning four-door sedans. Not even a station wagon (shudder)!

[william]

Mini Vans have so many more options when it comes to the kids. Very cool. And you can put reader's digest in the side slots on the doors for when you and Mr. are in the van together and you can be romantic.

[Susie]

I drive the dreaded (as noted above) Dodge Caravan. Mostly Jif drives it, but when I have Girl Scouts to haul, etc., I do. I think we're on our third one. You will love your van. I've never been concerned about cool or youth or whatever, I'm all about comfort. They are SO comfy, especially for dealing with kiddies and taking trips.
Congratulations!

[yonzie]

Congratulations! Nothing says love like a Honda minivan. Yeah, I used to be opposed to the whole minivan thing, but I'm coming around. I think it has to do with the nightmarish Girl Scout hauling scene that Susie just created for me.

[kalki]

I will admit that Rob and I are like you and mr. mrtl used to be re: minivans. But then again, we read Reader's Digest so we're not really the definition of cool. In fact, I'd say that a Honda minivan is WAY cooler than RD. And, so it sounds, just as romantic. ;)

And, just to drive the point home that I am a complete loser, let me add that if I were to choose a minivan, it would be the Odyssey. Because that's my favorite piece of literature.

[Sharkey]

If you've gotta have a minivan, the Honda is the one to get. And I think everyone's right--you'll love it. My stepdad drives one, and he doesn't even have any kids to haul around. He actually likes it!

[lawbrat]

A mini-van is my dream car. Enough said on being young and cool, huh? Until my dream can be fulfilled, I have the old, non-horn workin, back right taillight out, BIG, Monsterous, burgundy, caprice classic, 1991, with 267,000 miles on it, did I mention BIG? Oh yea, rear wheel drive- if there is snow or ice, I cant drive it..I live in MICHIGAN! There is snow!

Congrats on the van!

[pea]

Oooh, congratulations!!! My sister and my mom both have Odysseys and they are really really nice! I hope this makes your life easier, and that Mr. mrtl gets some extra smooches :P

[wordgirl]

I tend to never believe it when good stuff happens to me. My husband has MUCH better karma than I do. So I never really believe something is good is going to actually happen until it's right in front of me. I'm glad you're getting a new car.

[Nina]

How exciting . . . while I haven't owned a minivan and don't kow much about them. It sounds like it will be wonderful for all the things you mentioned. Enjoy, the new car smell . . . and knowing that your babies are safe and secure.

[suburban misfit]

I have an Odyssey and I never knew, until a kindly neighbor told me *her* reasons for not wanting a mini-van, that mini-vans were considered the kiss of the devil to one's cool factor.

Whatever.

It's functional, it drives like a MUTHA, I get great gas mileage and we can fill that sucker TO THE BRIM with crap and we STILL have room to move.

So there, all you "mini-vans aren't *cool*" people.

*nyah*

[Circus Kelli]

Mrtl -- *evil laugh* Welcome to the "other side".

You know what that minivan needs? FLAMES, baby.

[Daphne]

So everyone is avoiding the money issue in the comments? Because although the van is interesting (and yay! for a Honda minivan. I prefer Hondas & Toyotas myself) what's more important is this whole money issue especially in light of the "taking care of yourself" resolution. I'm super glad to hear of this compromise and I think it bodes well for what is to come. I do the bills in our house and presently make more money (though I generally also have more expenses) and it's always a weird feeling to "ask" him for money for our joint account. But what happens when it's time for kids? Not sure yet. We're starting to talk about house-buying and I have more money in savings... yep. I'm not trying to bring my issues here, more to say thanks for being honest about how you two are dealing with the money issue.

[mrtl]

Working now - will respond to others later.

Daphne - Thing is, this is a gift, a wonderful gift that my sweet and considerate hubby is getting for me. (And it's not quite a compromise, since we'll be keeping the 4Runner; the van isn't a replacement, per se. Mister mrtl did compromise his anti-minivan beliefs, but I suppose any dissonance is resolved in his calling this MRTL's minivan, NOT his.) Back in February, it was to be a joint purchase, something to be shared. I couldn't take full ownership in it (financially or psychologically), and that played a role in how much input I allowed myself to give. But a present? I can accept a present and be perfectly happy about it.

[Andrea]

I've never understood the hatred of minivans. I love ours (or did until it was wrecked). And I'm looking forward to upgrading. Good foresight in getting the four-door, too! I've been struggling the last year getting both kids into carseats easily with just the one sliding door.

Now...send some of those good van-purchasing vibes down here. We made an offer on one yesterday, but Leo is hedging. He forgot that he usually gets them inspected first, and now they're balking at letting him. I want the van, but I want it to run well. I'm ready to ditch the rental (ironically enough...an SUV).

[Kristine]

*sigh* i'm going on my first year back as a mini van driver.

I MISS MY STICK SHIFT!

[Von Krankipantzen]

I figure what works with kids and cold and stuff, well, WORKS! And flames would probably up the cool factor. Congrats on the new vehicle!

[cat]

I just about kicked TGIM's ass when I found out he traded in our Toyota Sienna minivan for an Accord ("It's a better family car, Cat!" WTF? Better than a MINIVAN?!) before driving out with the kids to join me in DC.

He regrets that trade every single time we travel and the three children, in WAY too close vicinity of each other, start in with the "He's touching me!" "She's singing too loud!" and "MOM! She STOLE my GREEN crayon!" Yep. Times were good when we could put an empty chair or a row between them.

SUCK IT UP, mrtl, dear. Think of the CHILDREN. You will LOVE it.

[Homestead]

Growing up: 3 kids (one in a car seat) & 2 adults in a 1984 baby blue 4-door diesel Volkswagon Rabbit. Does that scream "road trip" or what?

Hot Stuff had the same issues with vans.... now he is lobbying for it.... as long as it is 4-wheel drive!? We're looking at the Sienna or the Odessey so I'll be wanting to know your opinions....

[eclectic]

The Odyssey absolutely ROCKS! We had a 2002 until last June when it was totalled by someone slamming into me (but I didn't get even a scratch on me... go HONDA!), and would have gotten another, but the big kids are big enough now that we got the Pilot instead. You will LOVE the Odyssey. I miss the auto-sliders STILL! Congrats!!!!!

[The Anti-Stalker]

Unfortunately, the Sienna is the only one with all-wheel drive. The Odyssey is just front-wheel drive. However, the interior of the Sienna kind of sucked for an almost 40K van. My 4Runner has a better interior. I can see where "mrtl" would want a van in the cold weather because she can just get in instead of having to lean in, balance a newborn, and freeze her little butt off! I would have preferred a station wagon, but...

[Dima]

TAS, don't you dare get a station wagon. They're nasty cars. Although, they're supposedly the safest, with the extremely low center of mass.

[Andrea]

Now station wagon hatred, I get. I guess that was the "soccer mom" vehicle of my childhood...minivans are WAY cooler, if we actually are going on the coolness factor ;)

[Momo]

Yay, what a COOL present!

A minivan is just what the doctor ordered when it comes to kids. I'm excited for you!

I too jump in my car quick and lock the doors immediately!

[mrtl]

Bente - With the amount of driving I'll be doing, it definitely will. (When Bug was small, it was possible to hermit myself in the house. Not so now.)
Adrienne - Plans are always good, no matter what the reasoning or motivation. When I had my '95 Saturn SC2 (a two-door sporty car), I believed that I could keep it when we had a kid. HA!
jana - I'm already devising the pimp method. It'll need something -- personalized plates at the very least (depending on cost, since some states' prices on them are horrendous).
Dima - I grew up with a family truckster, a Buick. I was small. I liked it.
william - Take the RD business elsewhere! lol Yes, though, the options are wonderful. I love the layout of it and the storage space (IT HAS A LAZY SUSAN IN THE FLOOR, BY GOSH BY GOLLY!).
Susie - I'm a practical girl, too, but I will find a way to make this van cool. Even if it's a geek on the outside, it'll be cool on the inside.
yonzie - It's hard not to like this van.
kalki - Word. I got to teach that to my sixth graders; it was my favorite. I'm not sure if the van will have the boy vibe; if so, I may call him Homer. For a girl, probably Calypso, because she's saucy. Then again, we may be due for a contest.
Sharkey - I was really impressed with the interior, especially having checked out the Toyota Sienna, which was pretty bland inside.
lawbrat - Egads! Mister mrtl had a Mustang when he lived in Wisconsin (and went to school in the UP). He drove. Crazy man!
pea - Indeed!
wordgirl - It's been very hard for me not to talk about this, and even posting this yesterday, before the deal was really done, had me a little on edge. Today, though, I stopped by and gave the dealership a check to hold the van for us.
Nina - Thanks! As hard as it is to ignore the stigma, I'm sure I'll love this van more than any car I've ever had.
Go misfit!
Kelli - You know, honey, I did think of that, and may be hitting you up. You do take bribes, don't you?
Andrea - Good luck, but in all honesty, if they're opposed to an inspection, it may be best to RUN RUN RUN! (Isn't that required by law anyway?)
Kristine - I gave up the stick when I sold the Saturn for the Explorer. I won't complain too much, though, since I can still get my stick on driving mister mrtl's Audi (::drool:: It's a 6-speed and can go really fast).
Kranki - Thanks!
cat - You bring back memories of traveling with my brother, where it started with "He's on my side" and went through "He's touching me" and "He's looking at me" before getting to "He's breathing on me."
Homestead - The Sienna is the only AWD, but the Odyssey has some sort of traction control. When I test drove it, plenty of other cars were sliding all over the place, but I wasn't. Like T A-S/mister mrtl said, the Sienna costs a lot more and isn't as impressive inside.
eclectic - I'm sure I (dare I say "we"?) will!
T A-S - Station wagon? Are you talking about the Audi one? That wasn't bad; maybe you could get that for your next one.

p.s. Extra kisses for the "little" butt reference.
Dima - If you're going wagon, the A-3 is pretty damned nice. I think that's what he's talking about.
Andrea - It's not necessarily hatred as much as it is a big flag that says "UNCOOL."
Momo - It's going to make life a lot easier, that's for sure. Road trips will be more likely with this.

[mrtl]

::catching breath::

[The Anti-Stalker]

The A-4 Avant (wagon) isn't bad, but it's not the S-4 wagon! Now that's what I was talking about...

[Daphne]

Well excellent. a GIFT. Hey, I think that's a great compromise.

[Girl.A]

Trudy.
Short for Intruder, eh?
Or maybe Extruder...