Just when you thought it was getting interesting, Normal Bob has come out with Final Justice. (Note: There's also a version you can print out for desktop fun. Why am I thinking of Bucky?)
I feel just a little blasphemous posting this one. It's disturbing, absolutely, and plain wrong (right up there with the tic tac commercial where the chick juggles them with her tongue). Still, I'm getting them.
p.s. Susie, I sent them the ideas I mentioned in my last post on this subject. In addition, I asked that Jesus get a t-shirt that says, "The Jesus in me loves the Hell out of you." Just for you, girlfriend, just for you!
~*~*~*~
Today on "Martha"
First off, check out the cake she made today. YUM!
Fran Drescher is the guest today, and they chatted while making the cake. (Did you see it? YUM!) The conversation turned to dating. Martha started it, asking Fran if she were dating anyone special. Fran answered, then asked Martha, who said, "Sort of. It's a lot of fun. But you have a penchant for younger men as I do, right?" (Therefore blowing my theory that she's lusting after Dave Letterman with her daily interludes about getting him on the show for Valentine's Day). She also hinted that this younger man is loaded.
A little later, Fran asked Martha what she considered "younger." First Martha says, "Eight...," prompting Fran to ask her if an 8-year-old was her youngest. NONONONONONONO! Martha revealed that she was horrified to find out once that the man she was dating was her daughter's age. This was followed by the phrase of the day:
"That wasn't so cool. I didn't go for that. Actually, I did go for it..."
She then made some references to hot flashes and quickly turned the attention back to Fran's love life.
Also worthy of mention here is somewhere Martha will not go, at least on her show. They were about to make candied hazelnuts, and Martha said to Fran, "This is a little bit complicated process, but you should learn how to do this because this blows their mind, the young man." Fran says, "I try to blow something with them but it ain't their minds."
::and Fran laughs nervously::
Martha dramatically gasped, and the real gasps were heard from her audience. Martha's attempt at a save, as they had just been talking about the birthday boy, was that maybe Fran should go on Howard Stern's show. Both then got Very Serious about the candied nuts. There were no hot nut jokes.
oh holy lord! And I thought Christmas dress up was bad....
Posted by: Hänni | 2006.01.12 at 04:15 PM
Alright. I've remained silent while you've gone on your months-long Jesus dress-up spree. But I gotta step in here. You need to know that you are destining yourself to raise a child (maybe more than one) who becomes an in-your-face fundamentalist born-again Pat Robertsonian "Christian." This will come back to bite you in the ass, mrtl. Don't say you weren't warned.
Posted by: Susie | 2006.01.12 at 04:15 PM
Hänni - I know. These are ones I'd be sure to hide when guests are here.
Susie - Sweetie, I do hope that you come back for the p.s. (posted before I read your comment, just so you know).
If my children grow to love Jesus with all their hearts, so be it. It would be amusing if they attempt to stage an exorcism.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.12 at 04:29 PM
crud, I just lost my comment. All my hard work down the drain! Okay so I do like this one. Yes. Especially the disclaimer and the exclamation point.
Posted by: Daphne | 2006.01.12 at 05:02 PM
OK, you got me with that one. laughin' here :)
You have a blessed day, now. :p
Posted by: Susie | 2006.01.12 at 06:11 PM
Oh, poor Marilyn Manson. What did he ever to do anyone?
(tee-hee)
Posted by: suburban misfit | 2006.01.12 at 06:42 PM
I give Fran an "8" for the bj reference. Because the "hot nuts" were a gimmee, she's lost 2 of the 10 - points that is, not hot nuts.
I would never begrudge a woman her hot nuts.
Posted by: Hänni | 2006.01.12 at 08:21 PM
Both those women creep me out! And the idea of them dating anyone makes me throw up a little!
Posted by: Dima | 2006.01.12 at 08:32 PM
Daphne - I'm sorry you lost your comment. Was it at least therapeutic to write it?
Susie - You, too, dear. And thanks for the breaking news on the crackhead!
misfit - It's a shame, isn't it? I'd sooner put a Catholic priest on there than him.
Hänni - I think Fran had a moment when she realized that it was the wrong audience for such talk. Poor thing.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.12 at 08:37 PM
Dima - Everyone deserves nookie.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.12 at 08:37 PM
I **WISH** I had tuned into Martha today! That would have been hi-freakin'-LARIOUS! To hear Martha gasp and be on the verge of losing her cool publicly :)
Posted by: Andrea | 2006.01.12 at 09:11 PM
Next thing you konw she'll be having Keith Schwetty on the show, talking about his moist Schwetty balls.
Posted by: jana | 2006.01.12 at 09:33 PM
Penchant, honey, penchant. Don't think pention is even a word. :-)
Love,
Your not English-Major husband.
Posted by: The Anti-Stalker | 2006.01.12 at 11:03 PM
Andrea - All fun stopped that second. They followed with a more wholesome segment with a visitor from Busch Gardens (lots of animals and birds that hung out on Martha's head).
jana - Are those anything like "South Park's" Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls?
T A-S - I don't know what you're talking about. Not a clue. Not me.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.12 at 11:08 PM
I love the Schwetty balls. So does Jif. (Alex Baldwin on SNL. Classic.)
For Martha, David Letterman IS a younger man. And may I just say, you do an excellent job of summarizing and reviewing Martha's show.
Posted by: Susie | 2006.01.12 at 11:21 PM
HOT NUTS.
HOT NUTS.
HOT NUTS.
All this talk of HOT NUTS.
Jeepers!
Posted by: Summer | 2006.01.12 at 11:47 PM
Susie - Aren't they fairly close in age? And thank you. It helps when it's amusing.
Summer - HOT NUTS! Google's going to love that!
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.13 at 12:39 AM
Holy Crepes! That cake looks delicious.
Posted by: Bente | 2006.01.13 at 01:05 AM
Bente - So the other pregnant chick is the first to notice. I shouldn't be surprised. :)
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.13 at 01:17 AM
I just watched The New Martha for the first time the other day. She scares me a little. Nothing like she used to be.
Posted by: Von Krankipantzen | 2006.01.13 at 01:47 AM
It was okay, therapy-wise. Not that exciting. but the CAKE, now that's exciting.
Posted by: Daphne | 2006.01.13 at 02:11 AM
Yeah that cake rocks. I could NEVER make it.
As for martha and fran. It is so awkward to watch when the suggestive comments get a little out of hand. Martha totally asks for it. She really should just be by herself again, sewing eyeglass cases out of tobacco leaves.
But THEN. We wouldn't have so much fun with Mrtls recaps!
Posted by: Amy | 2006.01.13 at 08:04 AM
Kranki - That's what makes it interesting, although I'm seeing her reverting a bit to her old mild-mannered self. BOR-ING!
Daphne - Time-consuming is what that cake is. They made the crepes on the show, and each one takes a while (and should be made the day before).
Amy - It's much more fun, though, when Martha goes with it. She should have backed Fran.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.13 at 10:12 AM
Blasphemer! Okay, I'm with Susie. Might as well sign Bug and Frida up for the nunnery now.
Props to Fran for slipping that one in.
Heh heh.
Posted by: yonzie | 2006.01.13 at 11:28 AM
All Martha recipes seem to be massively time-consuming and complex. I think she has copyeditors that smooth down the instructions to a bare minimum--and they're still super long!--which only amplifies the confusion, complexity and time-consumption factors. Be warned: this is true of her knitting patterns as well!
Posted by: Daphne | 2006.01.13 at 12:47 PM
yonzie - I'm not worried about the nun stuff with Bug. She hates my "Sound of Music" soundtrack.
Daphne - Good to know. I'm not ready to start on patterns just yet since I find them quite Greek, not to mention the counting. I'm scheduled to take a crochet class this week, and will get one of those handy row counters while I'm at the store.
Posted by: mrtl | 2006.01.13 at 06:01 PM