Resolved

Note: Yes, I'm posting my Motif Monday a few days early. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for GO time.

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Resolutions don't usually work for me because I'm all about instant gratification. If I don't see results immediately, I tend to give up. I'm trying to change this. I've decided to set one resolution for myself for 2006. Focus may come more easily if I only have one item. Too bad it's so loaded.

My resolution: Be selfish. 2006 shall be the Year of Me.

Why? I neglect myself. I skip taking a shower most days. I don't take care of my physical health. I don't make time to do special things I want to do. I long for something as simple as a hobby or learning a basic new skill. I use Bug as an excuse all too often, as if I can't take care of myself and be a good mother at the same time. This is a horrible trend; I am losing myself. Add another kid to the mix, and I'm going to disappear if I don't get my shit straight. I need to take time for me.

My plan isn't going to be completely clear anytime soon. I need to consider past successes, what's worked for me before. I need to figure out how to set myself up for success, and adjust accordingly if I miscalculate. How am I going to be accountable? I need a plan, to set measurable goals. More importantly, I need to prepare myself for the inevitable setbacks so they don't result in the loss of my resolve.

There are several things I can do to consider 2006 a successful year in this capacity. I'll follow each with a measurable goal.

1. Shower. Every day. [Did I shower today?]
2. Work out. Go to the gym regularly, take walks, MOVE. Especially after Frida's born, this is going to be a huge issue and will -- physically and emotionally -- weigh me down if it's not attended to. [Did I get to the gym or was I otherwise active at least 4 times this week?]
3. Get out. Take a class, go on a date, meet people. [Have I had a fun break this week?]

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to keep on top of myself, to stay motivated. I don't think a reward system will help; the reward has to be my happiness and satisfaction, not some external thing. One thing I think will help is to be as open about my progress as possible, especially with myself. When I quit smoking, I told everyone I quit smoking, making it partially a matter of pride and avoiding the humiliation of public failure. I said that I knew I'd be successful because I had made a promise to myself, and if I can't keep a promise to myself, what are my promises worth? Am I committed enough to this plan to make such a promise? Look at what's at stake. If I don't take care of myself, what kind of example is that for my kids? I'll teach them to be considerate of others, but what about themselves? How are they going to grow knowing without a doubt that they're important, too?

Yeah. Pinky promise. And to publicly keep track of my progress, I'm going to keep a calendar. On it I'll post what I've done that has met my goals. I'm toying with the idea of starting a separate blog dedicated to this, but I struggle keeping two right now (not counting Frida's neglected one, which will be getting a lot more attention after she's here).

Now for the plan. The shower is easy enough. I just need to consider it important enough to do it and adjust my schedule accordingly. To get out, I need to check schedules of classes, mister mrtl's work schedule and other social opportunities to figure out what my options are. If pickings are slim, it'll be me time nonetheless, getting out to do something. That leaves the work outs.

As you know, I've been trying to psych myself up for working out. The "Get off your ass!" banner campaign didn't work, obviously. Obviously? I went two times, folks. Twice. My original plan was to take Bug to the CDC and hit the gym before coming home. Then I started thinking. I won't be able to take Frida there with me; they don't allow kids in the workout rooms. The community center on base has equipment, and I could take Frida to hang out in her carseat while I use the treadmill or whatever. Thing is that the community center doesn't open till 10, and since Bug goes to school at 8, the early-morning option is out.

So. When the weather gets nicer, we can go for walks earlier in the day, but that's several months away. My best bet now is to hit the community center before picking up Bug in the afternoon. When Frida comes, she can join me there. One concern with this is how inconvenient it will make getting a shower. I could shower in the morning, but then I'll need another one after working out. Believe me I'll need a shower; I sweat like a pig when I actually work myself, which I'll need to do (cardio!) to lose the baby weight. How am I going to get a shower in the afternoon? Unless mister mrtl is home, it's not going to be easy to accomplish till after the kids are in bed, meaning I'll be sitting around with my stanky-ass self the whole afternoon. Am I making this more difficult than it should be? Logistics!

Whatever I do, I want to get into the habit well before Frida comes; otherwise it may be harder to get going. This needs to be sorted out, and fast.

Your advice is welcome on this. Any ideas?

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On Motif Monday: I've decided that this will be the final Motif Monday. I will still write the Good Deed post at some point, but don't need any added stress or feeling of obligation right now. I set myself up the wrong way with this, making it harder to follow through; I should have picked topics that I already had half-written in my mind. Oh well.

If you participate this week, let me know!

Hänni

Comments

[Von Krankipantzen]

This is the best resolution I have heard yet. Maybe the hardest to do as well. I don't have suggestions on the best way to pull this off as I can't manage to get off my ass either and I don't have husbands or kids to blame. I hope you do blog your successes so I can be inspired by them. Happy New Year!

[Susie]

What kranki said. I love your calendar. I'm thinking maybe don't add another blog to the mix, just keep that calendar updated, and maybe a sidebar reminder here about what it is, and we can check it and kick your ass if it's not saying the right thing. Whaddya think? You're so right that your girls need to get the message early that "I take good care of myself." I need this resolution, too. I may have worded it differently, telling Jif, "I'm going to be younger this time next year than I am now." This is imperative for me, for reasons that you know a bit about (from our meeting), and I will tell more about -- I realize that I did not answer a certain email of yours a while back, but the answer, in a nutshell, is "yes" :)
This is all good; please reclaim mrtl, do not let her fade away.
Thank you for doing the motif Monday. I'm not going to beg you to keep doing it(even tho I want to), but I will say it was my very favorite tag-along blog thing, and often gave me something to say when I thought I didn't have a daggone thing to say. Again, thank you for that.
Here's to a flourishing New Year for YOU.

[Hänni]

Mrtl I think you are absolutely right in your resolution. We love you babe, but I've often wondered how you can work, take care of Bug and Frid and keep up two point five blogs. The only thing I could come up with is that you are Wonder Woman.

I'll miss Motif Monday (not that I always participated), but I understand the need for more time (and showers!) Besides, if it's really *that* misssed I'm sure someone else could pick it up and keep it going. No worries!

[greenie]

Please bring back the showers....pppplllleeeaase!!!!

I think your resolution is perfect, aside from logistics that is. My only idea for success, would be to get up earlier, but that sounds AWFUL!!! So pay me no mind.

Unless, you can wear the baby pouch in the shower? Ya, no, eww.

just ignore me.

[Rookie Momma]

I'm with you, mrtl. My goals are the same as yours. Once Little Girl gets here, I've told Rookie Daddy that he will be in charge of taking care of her (and getting precious daddy-daughter time) while I get my ever-growing butt to the gym. RD and I went through this at Goodfellow and held each other accountable and it worked really well - we both lost 20 pounds each! You and I can motivate each other since our babies will be arriving about the same time. (I've been running low on motivation for ANYTHING lately.)

I have to give you props for your goals. You deserve time for yourself, no question. I'm sure mister mrtl will be supportive of you and do what he can to help out.

[jana]

I'm right there with ya, mamma. I told my hubbie the other night, this year, I'm taking time out for ME. Like that is such a horrible thing! I will be right there with you, we can certainly do this thing together.

I think if you go to the gym you will HAVE to take a shower, so start with the gym first, then the shower will fall into place!

[Momo]

Good for you! This is a great resolution, and I wish you lots of success. Making time for you is probally the hardest thing to do, especially when you are a wife and/or mother.

I don't have any advice to offer, but I agree having someone to keep you accountable certainly helps.

I'm gonna make 2006 about making healthier choices for me and my family!

Good Luck and Happy New Year to You!

[kalki]

What's funny is that a good resolution for me this year would probably be "Be LESS selfish." You'd think that would mean that I would have lots of advice for you, but the truth is our circumstances are so different that I really don't. Well, I guess the advice I have is Find the Fun. If the workout or class or whatever is something you really enjoy, you'll be less inclined to make excuses. As for a way to make showers fun....rubber ducky, perhaps? :)

[Nina]

What everyone else here has said . . . I really believe that we all need to be gentle with ourselves. Taking care of you, will allow you to take good care of your daughters. Plus be a positive role model for them.
Wishing you the best for 2006 . . .

[wordgirl]

Normally, the goal to shower every day would be considered setting the bar REALLY low. But that's under NORMAL circumstances. Babies and toddlers usually shove all hopes of a normal life into a burlap bag where they add a couple of rocks for weight, tie it off with a rope and throw it into the ocean where it sinks without a sound. You, my friend, should be commended for making cleanliness a priority. It will take guts and creativity. It will take cunning and getting up early. But it can be done. I salute you! (If I can think of any ideas I'll send them on) Happy New Year!

[mrtl]

Kranki - I felt compelled to load this resolution even more to include the things on my To Do list, making my priorities a higher priority. Something tells me, though, that taking care of these basic necessities will help all else fall into place. (I'll still make that other list, though.)
Susie - Re: getting younger: Yeehaw! May all the planets align for that to happen.
Hänni - A lot gets neglected, especially me. That's why I'm making a concentrated effort to reclaim myself.

Motif Monday doesn't mesh well with my inner programming (see first paragraph of this post): instant gratification. Another reason why I wrote this post and got it up without hesitation.
Oh greenie - It's not like I wasn't showering at all. It was more like every other day.

Yesterday I woke up early, and ended up "wasting" Bug's nap time by napping the whole time myself. That's not going to work. Today I got her settled watching Pooh and told her where I'd be. She didn't budge. It may not be as big of an issue as I made it out to be. Frida can always hang out in her crib.
RM - Rock on with your gymtastic self! I'm all for motivating each other, although I'm thinking that you'll have the upperhand here. You've got youthful exuberance and first-time staying power on your side, which I think will trump age and experience.
jana - As I said to greenie, the shower may not be an issue afterall. (I'll admit a huge hinderance for me is my discomfort in leaving Bug unattended. We've worked hard to make her play area upstairs toddler-proofed, but I don't want to fall into a false sense of security.)
Momo - I will play a huge role in my own accountability. I've posted a link to this post in the sidebar so I can reread it as necessary. Keeping the calendar will help to, and having it public will keep the humiliation factor there. Mister mrtl is always good at having my back, but sometimes... ok, a lot of the time... I'm resistant to his efforts. I'm putting that nicely. I can be a real bitch to him when he's only trying to help.
kalki - You're in a prime position to be selfish, and should enjoy the opportunities for spontaneity, travel, and doing the things that you want to do. I'm fortunate to say that there are only a few things I wish I had done before having kids; for the most part, I was selfish enough to get all I wanted done. (You say "selfish" like it's a bad thing. NOT!)
Nina - Precisely. I will do my best.
wordgirl - OH, my you make me laugh, but I don't want to wake the Bug.

Of my three goals to meet my resolution, the shower is the easiest. It's built-in success! Yes, I have recently grown a little too accustomed to showering every other day, just as I have to wearing oversized t-shirts and sweat pants to accent my not-quite-scrunchied-but-close-enough hair all day, just as I have to not wearing makeup since June. Baby steps. Not like I'm planning on being perfectly coifed and dressed like a Stepford Wife at some point, but I would like to be presentable enough to not feel embarrassed to answer the doorbell.

[eclectic]

I love it here. I just do. Best of everything to you Mrtl! You're going to surprise yourself one of these days and discover that what you want is who you've been all along, in one form or another. You're a rare and wonderful person. Oh, and you also make me laugh... a lot. Did I mention I love it here?

[mrtl]

eclectic - Stupid pregnancy hormones. You make me teary. Hugs and big, sloppy wet kisses to you!

[Daphne]

Hear, hear. I'm not much good at motifs either: they went along with my last writing class (which I quit) because they made me feel too pressured. Now obviously that's all my issue and I liked participating when the particular topic clicked for me.

Oh I'm babbling. What I meant to say is, I'm glad to hear all this. What's that you said about "making more of an issue out of the shower than it really is"? Because I am the queen of that. Make it a quick shower but don't let the inner voice make it into an insurmountable deal. And you will succeed in your resolution. And I didn't really mean to split up that sentence like that but oh well.

[mrtl]

Queen of Shower Issues - just have to laugh at that. It's good!

[Ern]

YOU are the best New Years resolution you could make. Good luck! You and your family will both benefit.

BTW, I hate the logistics of afternoon or evening workouts, because I hate taking two showers a day and I hate going to bed with wet hair. AAAAAAAH!

[mrtl]

Ern - Thanks! I'm trying to get over the whole shower thing. Turns out taking one when Bug's around isn't as difficult as I thought it'd be. I'm going to the gym today before I pick her up (for the first time), so we'll see how that goes.