Note: Yes, I'm posting my Motif Monday a few days early. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for GO time.
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Resolutions don't usually work for me because I'm all about instant gratification. If I don't see results immediately, I tend to give up. I'm trying to change this. I've decided to set one resolution for myself for 2006. Focus may come more easily if I only have one item. Too bad it's so loaded.
My resolution: Be selfish. 2006 shall be the Year of Me.
Why? I neglect myself. I skip taking a shower most days. I don't take care of my physical health. I don't make time to do special things I want to do. I long for something as simple as a hobby or learning a basic new skill. I use Bug as an excuse all too often, as if I can't take care of myself and be a good mother at the same time. This is a horrible trend; I am losing myself. Add another kid to the mix, and I'm going to disappear if I don't get my shit straight. I need to take time for me.
My plan isn't going to be completely clear anytime soon. I need to consider past successes, what's worked for me before. I need to figure out how to set myself up for success, and adjust accordingly if I miscalculate. How am I going to be accountable? I need a plan, to set measurable goals. More importantly, I need to prepare myself for the inevitable setbacks so they don't result in the loss of my resolve.
There are several things I can do to consider 2006 a successful year in this capacity. I'll follow each with a measurable goal.
- Shower. Every day. [Did I shower today?]
- Work out. Go to the gym regularly, take walks, MOVE. Especially after Frida's born, this is going to be a huge issue and will -- physically and emotionally -- weigh me down if it's not attended to. [Did I get to the gym or was I otherwise active at least 4 times this week?]
- Get out. Take a class, go on a date, meet people. [Have I had a fun break this week?]
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to keep on top of myself, to stay motivated. I don't think a reward system will help; the reward has to be my happiness and satisfaction, not some external thing. One thing I think will help is to be as open about my progress as possible, especially with myself. When I quit smoking, I told everyone I quit smoking, making it partially a matter of pride and avoiding the humiliation of public failure. I said that I knew I'd be successful because I had made a promise to myself, and if I can't keep a promise to myself, what are my promises worth? Am I committed enough to this plan to make such a promise? Look at what's at stake. If I don't take care of myself, what kind of example is that for my kids? I'll teach them to be considerate of others, but what about themselves? How are they going to grow knowing without a doubt that they're important, too?
Yeah. Pinky promise. And to publicly keep track of my progress, I'm going to keep a calendar. On it I'll post what I've done that has met my goals. I'm toying with the idea of starting a separate blog dedicated to this, but I struggle keeping two right now (not counting Frida's neglected one, which will be getting a lot more attention after she's here).
Now for the plan. The shower is easy enough. I just need to consider it important enough to do it and adjust my schedule accordingly. To get out, I need to check schedules of classes, mister mrtl's work schedule and other social opportunities to figure out what my options are. If pickings are slim, it'll be me time nonetheless, getting out to do something. That leaves the work outs.
As you know, I've been trying to psych myself up for working out. The "Get off your ass!" banner campaign didn't work, obviously. Obviously? I went two times, folks. Twice. My original plan was to take Bug to the CDC and hit the gym before coming home. Then I started thinking. I won't be able to take Frida there with me; they don't allow kids in the workout rooms. The community center on base has equipment, and I could take Frida to hang out in her carseat while I use the treadmill or whatever. Thing is that the community center doesn't open till 10, and since Bug goes to school at 8, the early-morning option is out.
So. When the weather gets nicer, we can go for walks earlier in the day, but that's several months away. My best bet now is to hit the community center before picking up Bug in the afternoon. When Frida comes, she can join me there. One concern with this is how inconvenient it will make getting a shower. I could shower in the morning, but then I'll need another one after working out. Believe me I'll need a shower; I sweat like a pig when I actually work myself, which I'll need to do (cardio!) to lose the baby weight. How am I going to get a shower in the afternoon? Unless mister mrtl is home, it's not going to be easy to accomplish till after the kids are in bed, meaning I'll be sitting around with my stanky-ass self the whole afternoon. Am I making this more difficult than it should be? Logistics!
Whatever I do, I want to get into the habit well before Frida comes; otherwise it may be harder to get going. This needs to be sorted out, and fast.
Your advice is welcome on this. Any ideas?
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On Motif Monday: I've decided that this will be the final Motif Monday. I will still write the Good Deed post at some point, but don't need any added stress or feeling of obligation right now. I set myself up the wrong way with this, making it harder to follow through; I should have picked topics that I already had half-written in my mind. Oh well.
If you participate this week, let me know!
Hänni