mrtl

Taking Karma on a Road Trip

Update: Despite Alaska's stupid-assed, shite you don't need to know to be behind a wheel questions (see examples below), I passed! Celebrated with a double decker taco from Taco Bell (my secret vice). Felt so good I picked up Bug early, brought her home and let her paint in the kitchen. Yes, I'm hosting squadron wives tomorrow night, and there's lots of cleaning still to be done. What's a little paint? Yee haw!

Examples of stupid questions on my test:

1. What's the minimum liability insurance coverage required of all motorists in Alaska? (I guessed right on this one.)
2. What's the penalty for reckless driving? (Guessed wrong)
3. What is the minimum jail term for driving without insurance? (Guessed wrong)
4. What is the first ability that is impaired by alcohol? (Guessed right)
5. Sorry - can't remember the other one I got wrong. It was just as stupid, though.

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So far today, so good.

I got an email back from the One Organizing the Workouts. It was very upbeat and friendly. I'm still not sure why my availability was initially overlooked, but something may work out afterall. We're still going back and forth, and she'll let me know what happens when they meet.

I announced Frid to the powers that be at work today, including telling them how this may and will affect my job status. While it shouldn't affect how much I'm working for now, it does affect my availability and willingness to travel. They've only flown me back once, so I don't see this as a huge issue, but wasn't going to assume it wasn't. My boss sent back an all good on that. ::HUGE sigh of relief:: If the arrangements weren't accepted, if I had to stop working, I.would.go.crazy. Props to all you SAHMs out there. I'm not cut out for it.

So with all the good vibes today, I am hoping that Karma can head down to the DMV with me. Yes, this fell through the cracks. I haven't gotten my Alaska license yet. But today I showered, put on my new salmon-pink shirt, and am ready. Well, I'll be ready after I spend a little time reviewing the book and putting on some makeup. WHY AM I STRESSING THIS?

Why am I such a doubter? Everything above is based on it. That's something to examine further some other time. I need to study.

Trying Not to See It as a Big F-You

The night of the first spouse thing, several sign up sheets were laid out for a variety of activities. I signed up for several, including one for a fitness club. Making an effort, yo.

Last week I got an email from the woman who is organizing it. She mentioned that only four "girls" -- gah that annoys me, but I'm overlooking it -- signed up, and asked that we write back with times we're available.

So my schedule sucks. I work 32 hours a week and have a toddler who is quickly becoming Terrible and a little difficult to take anywhere. My husband's schedule sucks more, and he's rarely around/lucid to tag team with the child. I responded that the best time for me would be after 1pm (5pm EST, where my office is located, so I wouldn't have to worry about not being available during the little overlap in office hours that we have). Other times would depend on the activity (child friendly or not) and my husband's schedule.

Today I get another email, scheduling us for our first time out at 9:30am on a weekday. While I do understand that this may work better for the other "girls" involved, it would have been nice to have had some acknowledgment that this isn't compatible with my availability. With so few people involved, why not any discussion? Involving me, that is. I can't help but feel like the odd one out, the one no one knows, so who cares if I'm not included? WTF?

I'm really trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm really trying to refrain from building the wall that often appears when I'm attempting to trust, to befriend. It's so much easier to shut myself off than to be rejected. To pick out their character flaws to determine that they're not worthy of my effort anyway. To label them as bitches before I get a chance to know them.

The self-talk right now is horrible. For everything I write, my mind justifies it. Who wants to be friends with people who are inconsiderate and unwelcoming? Why should I make an effort when they obviously aren't willing? And shut up already. It's just a work out group. Who says you have to be friends? Focus on the task at hand and don't worry about the personal stuff.

I'm really trying to see this from another perspective, Susie. It's not working.

Breaking News

Mamaramma has returned! Oh I love it when missing bloggers reappear!

p.s. Susie, who beat whom THIS time?? mwa hahahaha!

Songs for the Animals

I think I've already told the story about how Slava came into the fold. Maybe I didn't mention there that, at five weeks old, his butthole was HUGE. And WHITE. His brother Vladi wasn't blessed with such awe-inspiring junk in the trunk. It wasn't too long after they came to live with us that the following song was created.

Since I've shared this song before (in other people's comment sections), I decided to challenge myself by creating a second verse.

Slava's got a big white butthole.
His butt is big and it's white.
Even in the darkest of dark,
You can see it all right.
OH! Slava's got a big white butthole.
I'm telling you so you know:
You might not see him coming,
But you sure can see him go!

Slava's got a stinky butthole.
It's a smell I can't embrace.
Every night when I go to bed,
He sticks his stinker in my face.
OH! Slava's got a stinky butthole.
And this you must believe:
Catching a whiff of that butthole
Makes me want to heave!

Bonus: Listen to the Slava Butthole song (WAV File - 866 KB) As I recorded this, he lay beside me purring.

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Yes, I need to update several MM posts with participants. Please still let me know if you've posted. I'll get them added soon!

Bucky (old post), Doc Ern, Greenie, Kalki (see comments for Andrea), laurenbove (see comments), Nina

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next week's topic: travel

Guest Post: Snappy

Dear Mr. Truck Gnome,

Oh, you silly little gnome! You thought you could hide from me, only appearing in the WalMart parking lot when I was not there. You thought you were so clever to avoid my sights for these three months. You thought it funny to mock mrtl with your rosey cheeks, bright eyes and lively smile whenever she shopped there without me. HA! The laugh's on you, silly gnome! Mrtl will no longer be without her sweet Snappy, as you discovered today. I caught you, wiley gnome, and you have been blogged.

Until we meet again, which we shall I can promise you,
Snappy

7 Down, 10 to Go

The bag had 19 in it. He ate two.

So far I have found them:

1. On the phone (plain view)
2. Inside a toilet paper roll (he actually showed me this one, saying it would have been in there forever in that bathroom, which we hardly ever use)
3. In the silverware drawer
4. Atop the shredder (plain view)
5. On my mouse pad (plain view)
6. Behind my head on my rocker
7. In the cupboard in the bathroom

So far I have only hesitated eating two. I closed the silverware drawer thinking that I'd eat it later, but ended up opening it right back up with a "What the hell!" The one on my rocker I put aside as I was dealing with a Very Emotional Toddler at the time. Later, after we both had gotten some more sleep, she handed it to me with an "Eat, Momma!" I think she was a little upset that I didn't share it with her. It's really not a toddler-friendly candy, though.

So far I am very much liking this game. I'd dare say that mister mrtl could be a little more clever in hiding the chockies, but who knows where the rest are.

By the way, the correct spelling is RIESEN.

Five Hours

Today I had five hours of unbridled ME time. I hit the Old Navy and Motherhood Maternity (located at two separate malls in town), getting quite a booty of clothes. As it was, I had one pair of non-maternity jeans that fit, and only one pair of maternity long khakis. All my other pants are capris or shorts, and it's starting to get a little colder up in these here parts.

I'm quite proud of myself from this trip in that I came home with only one top in black. Even more so because I actually bought brighter colors, including PINK. Last time I remember wearing pink was an old sweatshirt I had in high school. There's a reason for the pinkdom, though.

The night of the first OSO get together, I made a HUGE discovery. The ladies' bathroom was painted in the gaudiest shade of salmon pink I had ever seen. However, when I exited the stall and first happened a glance in the mirror, I was SHOCKED: how incredibly cute and becoming am I with this color?! I was instantly convinced that not only do I need to have a room in that color, preferably a bathroom where I'm looking at myself most often, but that I need to incorporate this color into my wardrobe. I think I got two shirts in this color.

A sidestop into JC Penney resulted in a purchase that I really didn't need to make but very pleasing nonetheless. You see, as ungirly as I am, I happen to have a weakness for purses. Not expensive purses, mind you. Back in Maryland I had access to a Liz Claiborne outlet store, and had a huge stock of LC purses and bags to show for it. Moving has a way of eliminating excess... I think the bunch I'm willing to part with are in the pile littering the diningroom. Anyway, today I chose this baby:

Yes, those are salmon pink stripes. This is a great departure from my normal black and brown choices. And the pockets inside are big enough to hold Snappy and my knitting... ::rocking back and forth and repeating "I am not turning into my mother. I will only knit in public in appropriate places.":: The purse, originally $38 was marked down to $16.99; imagine my sheer glee when it rang up for $8.50! I do understand that this is a most summery purse. Give me a break, though; we're about to endure five straight months of winter, where the darkness not-so-slowly will creep over our days, leaving little more than a couple hours of sunlight each day. My whimsical stripey happy purse will bring some cheer... if I'm still using it.

Having promised mister mrtl and Bug surprises upon my return, I was really happy to accidentally find a GPS store on my trek from the first mall to the second. I was able to get mister mrtl the cigarette lighter adapter for his GPS unit, plus an outlet splitter so he can have his phone and the GPS plugged in at the same time. For Bug I found some adorable rain boots. That's an entry for her blog, though, which I'll be writing up next. So I don't leave you completely Bugless, here's a few pics of her modeling one of my new bras. To beat any smartass comments: Yes, I realize that my cup size is bigger than Bug's head. Shut up.

She's also wearing one of her new boots and her "Happy St. Patrick's Day" bling bling.

OH OH OH - Can't forget what else I got today:

CafePress determined that Shaun's design was too dangerously close to Google's trademarked logo, so they pulled this item. I've got the only one. Jealous much?

Another Example of My Need for Adult Interaction

Let's start with a morning recap. Getting ready for school this morning, Bug was voicing her dissent with the whole idea of going to school today. I was starting to tell her it would be a short day for her today because I wanted her to go to town with me, but couldn't get past, "Honey, it's Friday" before she cut me off with an exuberant "PIE DAY!!"

When I picked her up this afternoon, she was just finishing up her nap, meaning she wouldn't have the afternoon snack served at school. When we got to the pie place, I ordered grilled cheese to share. When it came, I broke up some of the sandwich on a separate plate for her.

Suddenly my sweet and lovely Bug morphed into the ugliest and ickiest monster I believe I have ever seen. You wouldn't think that this is possible. Believe me. It is.

You see, Bug had oh-so-observantly noticed the French fries on the plate. And while usually the bargain of "eat some sandwich and you can have some fries" works on her, today (much like the other day at dinner with Mom Mom) it wasn't happening. She started screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY WHEFF FWHY!! MYYYYYYY WHEEEEFF FWHYYYYYYY!!!" This went on for what seemed like forever. At least we had that side of the restaurant to ourselves (after we cleared a couple guys out who had come in and sat down in the area). I ate my sandwich and some fries (of course making sure to point out to Bug that I ate some fries only after eating some of my YUMMY YUMMY sandwich that is made of BREAD and CHEESE -- TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS!!!).

Finally figuring she wasn't going to eat or allow me to eat pie in peace (which I wouldn't share with her if she didn't touch the sandwich), I asked for the check and some butterscotchery goodness to go. As I pulled her chair away from the table to wipe off her hands from the sticky crayons, my sweet and lovely Bug reappeared. She reached out and grabbed a piece of sandwich, stuffing it into her mouth. I pushed her chair back in and sat back down. Bug got a couple fries on her plate with some ketchup. This process repeated itself till the sandwich was gone, except now she dipped each piece of the sandwich in the ketchup as well. She did this happily and without further incident. She even smacked her lips with the sandwich and said, "Yum-ah-yum!"

WTF? But who cares anyway, because then we shared the pie and headed to a playground to run and climb out the sugar.

Enrichment Activity

I started writing this yesterday, but hadn't really finished it.

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For a while during my freshman and sophomore years in college, I seriously considered majoring in psychology. I found Psych 101 intriguing and devoured all of the classes the school offered. Alas, the second grader in me overruled those thoughts, forcing me to pursue the dream of becoming a teacher. So where did that get me? Six years in teaching before having to leave or else go mad. Fuck you, hindsight.

It also resulted in having enough random and incomplete knowledge of psychology to be a danger as a self-psychoanalyzing amateur. Add what's swimming around in my brain to my faulty memory to all the stupid television I've watched over the years and what results is a serious threat. You've seen some of that backlash here (and here and here).

It's getting worse.

I posted last night that I think I need to take a break. This was after not having anything to write about, and not having the tremendous desire to write at all. And while Bloglines was telling me that there were many updates to be read, I had no motivation to visit. Trying to put my finger on what the problem was, the only word that would come close to describing it is "bored." It's not really boredom, though. There's more to the sudden bout of apathy.

I feel the need to stir things up. Feel excited about something. There's not a whole lot of anything going on right now. Cabin fever is setting in. I'm working on meeting people, but I don't think that's where I'm heading here. A touch of whimsy should help.

Which brings me to the dangers of amateur self-psychoanalyzation.

Making a grocery list this morning, I included "chocolate." I again attempted to convince myself that I could have access to chocolate and still limit how much I eat. I know myself better than this; a whole bag would be gone within days. This intention and behavior has repeated itself many times for me; why would this time be any different?

Then came a brainstorm. What if I had mister mrtl hide the chocolate for me? No. Giving him control over my snacking would only make me resent him.

But what if I had mister mrtl hide individual chocolates around the house? Joy in discovery for me! Zoos do this. They'll hide snacks for the bears and monkeys and such. The animals know there are snacks to be found, and have a little excitement as they try to figure out where and how to get to them.

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I shared this post with mister mrtl before uploading it. He's worried about me. Thinks I'm going crazy. Is there something wrong in thinking that finding random treats around the house would be nice? It's not like I'd be tearing up the house looking for them, or strangling him when he won't tell me where they are. It's more like I'm going about my business, doo dee doo dee doo, "I think I'll open this drawer" and finding a delightful and yummy surprise. What's wrong with that??

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Update: Yes, this is really done at the zoo. Read about it here.

Break Dancin'

Slump? Funk? All of a sudden I find myself uninterested. In reading. In writing.

I think I'm going to take a few days off. Regain perspective. See if the inspiration reappears.

All is ok. I have some stuff to get done anyway (cleaning, trips to the post office with much anticipated prizes that I've been hoarding here).

Realized after posting Monday that I didn't set a topic for this Monday. How about "songwriting for animals"? Bonus points for audio blogs this time.

Yeah. That'll work. If my muse fails to show, at least I'll have something to laugh my ass off at while I shake my booty.