Uninvent This

To be perfectly honest with you all, I think the topic I picked for this week sucks. It was a spur of the moment decision, and I apologize. I've been trying to think of one thing that my life would be easier without, and haven't been able to come up with anything. The things that annoy the the most (Barney and Pooh) are also the most useful. Barney and Pooh give me an hour each day to read the paper, blog, get a little work done, or relax otherwise. I couldn't banish them.

Sure, simplifying would be wonderful; I loved The Tao of Pooh. But I'm a creature of comfort.

Oh oh oh! All those years of telling students who had writer's block to just start writing -- to write about not knowing what to write about -- have paid off! Getting started, I know. I know now. I don't have to fall back on Mary Kate and Ashley's music (gah! I've heard so many of their songs on channel 6011 now and still have the WTFWTT?? reaction like the first time).

Our society needs to uninvent reality tv.

It's not that I don't like it. As a matter of fact, I watch way too much of the shit. The Real World. MADE. Fraternity Life. Sorority Life. Rich Girls. Road Rules. RR/RR Challenges. American Idol. Rock Star INXS. Super Nanny. Nanny 911. The Surreal Life. The Celebrity Get Fit Challenge. A Makeover Story. A Dating Story. A Wedding Story. A Baby Story. Real Life. Big Brother. I Want a Famous Face. Resident Life. Trauma: Life in the ER. Date My Mother. Room Raiders. The Anna Nicole Show. Celebrity Date. Star Dates. The Bachelor. Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Survivor. Dancing with the Stars. Animal Precinct. How Clean is Your House? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Emergency Vets. Fashion Police. What Not to Wear (British and US versions). Changing Rooms. Trading Spaces. Faking It. How-2 Crew. While You Were Out. Ground Force. Extreme Makeover. Home Delivery. Homefront in the Garden. Maternity Ward. Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. 'Til Death Do Us Part:  Dave and Carmen. The Osbournes. The Ashley Simpson Show. Project Greenlight. In a Fix. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Renovate My Family. The Swan. Trading Spouses. Who Wants to Marry My Dad? Wife Swap. Kill Reality. Brat Camp. Surely there are more. [No, this list wasn't completely off the top of my head. This site helped a lot. Now I'm more disturbed than I was with what I remembered on my own.]

Update: The Apprentice (thanks LadyBug!), The Amazing Race (thanks Bente!), Starting Over.

The madness has to end. My dyslexic-addictive personality has me going through random spurts of watching. Over the last... um... 10 or so years?... I've watched some of the above shows religiously, others sporadically. I go through phases. It's sick. I don't so much mind the shows that actually teach me something, but so many of them are just trash. When mister mrtl asks why I'm watching, I honestly can't tell him. I don't know. Living vicariously? Rubbernecking the train wreck? Fueling my superiority complex? Shock value thrill seeking?

Before reality television took over my life, I watched daytime talkshows. Rikki Lake. Richard Bey. Maury Povich. Montel Williams. Sally Jesse Raphael. It seems like a natural progression: the idiots who stole those shows, about whom viewers constantly questioned "These people can't be for real, can they?" were given airtime. Sheer genius, those who took this ball and ran. Still, enough!

Oh, and MTV? You need to change your fucking name already.

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So maybe I had something to say after all. It's not going to affect my decision for next week.

next week's topic: poetry challenge

For the last several days, lines have been coming to mind for a poem. I haven't written them all down. (Silly me, I actually thought I could remember them.) In case you want to play with the same format that I'll be loosely following, it's

[gerund] makes me [word rhyming with "me"]

Ooh! Ooh! Is an English lesson in order here? A gerund is a present participle (an -ing word, like gardening, crying, sleeping, and running) that is used as a noun.

Rhymes can be found at www.rhymezone.com. I mean, if you want to cheat. Like I do.

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As always, there'll be a list of links to participants. Please link to your post in comments.

Andrea, Jana I, Jana II, Kalki, Lawbrat, Nina

Comments

[The Anti-Stalker]

Uninvent movie remakes. There's no need to rehash every 70s and 80s movie or television series for the modern audience. It hasn't been done well, except when done with a sense of irony, such as the Brady Bunch remakes, which were actually clever. Everything else has been pointless at best. And now I hear they're redoing Miami Vice. Blasphemy. What's next? The A-Team? It can't be long.

[mrtl]

T A-S - I was going to mention that for you. Did you get my email?

[Bente]

mrtl, I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get rid of either. We'll see if I can write a poem for next week, but I suck at poetry. Just so you know.

There is too much reality tv these days. But, I also watch them. Mostly I watch Big Brother and Australian Idol, but I've been known to watch some of the others once in a while too, well the ones we actually get here at least.

I also agree with mr. mrtl about remakes. Plus I'd like to add re-recording songs. I almost always prefer the original.

[Bente]

One more thing, don't forget some of the biggies like Survivor and The Amazing Race. I don't watch either, but they just popped into my head for some reason.

[ieatcrayonz]

You and the hubs are dead on. Sho nuff. I was having trouble interpreting your topic. I had it right, but then I second guessed myself. I tried to apply it to personal quirks, architecture, stupid random stuff. I guess there are no wrong answers, huh?

[lawbrat]

Reality TV is a good one to uninvent. Im writing my post now, should be done soon!

[LadyBug]

That's a good one, mrtl, but I'm just not sure I could make it without Survivor or The Apprentice.

Maybe if they could just uninvent all the reality shows except the ones I'm addicted to?

[suburban misfit]

Amen.

And get rid of idiots.

[Weetzie]

I agree with your take on the Reality shows. I have only watched a few but Enough is Enough already. II dislike all the movie remakes too. Anyway, I posted an Uninvent This post. 8-)

[kalki]

I played, and it was FUN! Here's my annoying-long link:

http://www.lineweaver.org/klog/2005-08-01/super-cool_shit_i_couldnt_live_without

[Nanina]

This was a hard one, I couldn't come up with anything. I am not into reality shows that much, but do agree there are too many. I like the cold case files and things like that . . . I can understand why you would also want to keep Barney and Pooh. :)

[Von Krankipantzen]

So many shows. I had no idea. Now I feel a little guilty watching Rockstar:INXS. Contributing to the hell. But it is so good.

[Susie]

I agree, reality TV is sad. I only watch a few. The sad part is that no one is writing wonderful shows -- MASH, Taxi, Soap, Beauty and the Beast, etc. There used to be good TV. I could be a talk show junky, too.

[AndreaBT]

Reality is a very good one. I deliberately try not to start watching certain shows because I know I will get SUCKED. IN. They are worse than soap operas (who knew? Reality is more addictive than soap operas). I actually managed to yank my mind away from the last Survivor. I don't know who won, or even who the last three people were. And after the second Big Brother, where we were treated to the SOUND of two people having sex, I said "never again" to that one.

[AndreaBT]

Oh yeah, and I meant to say...I actually played this time!

[Colleen]

Let it be known: we can live without that purple un-dinosaur. ew.

hmmm...poetry challenge. i'm up for fun gerunds!

great idea, mrtl!

[Bente]

I just thought of something I would uninvent, but it's already Tuesday here so I'll just add a comment rather then write a post. Ok, makeup! If it was never invented we wouldn't worry about all the things "wrong" with our faces. I admit I wear it almost daily, but it would be great if that had burden never existed!

[cat]

Oh! I'm so BAD at poetry. Oh ho ho, but I write a mean limmerick, come to think of it... Heh heh...(rubs hands together in maniacal glee)

[cat]

Kill reality TV. Just do it. DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!

[KGrams]

Yes, ppplease kill reality TV... I am so sick of it!!!

[The Spurious Plum]

The person who said 'TV rots your brain' lied. The fact that you even know what half of these are about is a tribute to your giant brain.

Big brains are sexy, you know.

[mrtl]

Bente - The poetry challenge is meant to be easy. Don't fret!

... yeah, I watched some of "The Amazing Race," too. bleh!

yonz - I'm trying to make them vague enough that people can take them wherever they want. No wrong answers.

Lawbrat - I'll look for it! Bloglines isn't being fully cooperative, so thanks for the head's up.

LadyBug - Something needs to happen. I lack the will power to stay away.

Misfit - What fucking moron invented them anyway?

Weetzie - Hopefully the trend will pass and more shows will crop up like "Desperate Housewives," "Deadwood" and "The Sopranos."

Kalki - I'm sure you had fun, you overachiever! lol

Nanina - I'm sitting here watching "Hell's Kitchen" for the first time. (Loved the chef dude on "Faking It.") Egads! What am I doing to myself??

Kranki - Damn straight! It's on tonight!! Wooooo!

Susie - I was with you till "BatB." That show creeped me out.

Andrea - Nothing like some slurping noises. Ugh!

The difference for me between soaps and reality is that soaps are so obviously fake and stupid. Reality is real and stupid. Thus the train wreck effect.

Colleen - See? English can be FUN!

Bente - Absolutely! Or.... ummm.... It's kind of nice to have the option. How about botox?

Cat - You do whatever you want. (Gotta treat you like the prima donna published author that you are.)

KGrams - Kill it!

Plum - With my big brain and your fashion sense, we could make millions. Wanna get married?