Stalling

Sitting at the computer this morning, I got the overwhelming urge for Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips. I haven't had these in years, and this is in no way normal behavior for me. First, I don't eat full-fat chips, and haven't in many years. Barbeque Baked Lays are my bitch, but even them I don't eat very often. Second, my cravings usually don't overpower me; I can withstand them, although once I get a particular food on the brain, it haunts me until I can have it. I can go days with such cravings. This time it was too strong, so strong that I was compelled to leave the house in search of them.

CVS only had the Lays version, and I instantly knew that they wouldn't do. So I did what any intelligent, randomly-craving Ruffles woman would do: I bought a gnome and a pregnancy test and headed to Albertson's. Albertson's only had the monstrous bag. I bought it without batting an eyelash and had it open before I was halfway to my car.

I sit now eating them with relish (Not relish like the pickle stuff. That's nasty unless it's mixed in with tuna fish or with Miracle Whip for tarter sauce.), but I am enjoying them a bit, and still not phased that they're full fat... even though there is a little part of my brain nagging me to back off and go take the test already.

Yes, I did call mister mrtl in Dallas to tell him about my purchases. I didn't tell him about the gnome, though. Maybe I should have. Now I have two gnomes; does that make me the crazy gnome lady? And no, I don't know what I'm going to name him yet. Does naming my gnomes make me an even crazier gnome lady?

And yes, I am haunted by the too strong hi ball I had last night. If the test is positive, I have pickled the baby, moreso than I pickled Bug. (Bug was only pickled once, by a slushee-sized 32-ounce Amaretto margarita at Mejor Que Nada a week before I found out I was pregnant. I had only drunk 3/4ths of that, though, before mister mrtl declared me too goofy and dragged my ass home.) Poop and Boogies William, thank you for your suggestion of packing the stuff up myself. Good call!

Am I still stalling? Really, I don't have to pee right now, but mister mrtl is going to be calling me back in the near future. As for you, dear Internet, know that I won't be telling you anything until we at least tell our families, so don't even think about pestering me. Consider yourself done teased!

Comments

[kalki]

HOLD. ON. Did you buy the pregnancy test just because you had the craving, or are there other reasons you think you could be pregnant (like, I don't know, maybe you've stopped taking the Pill with the INTENTION of getting pregnant?).

Here I was ready to start a rumor about Robyn being pregnant, when it was you I should have targeted all along. Drat.

And dammit, I wanna know NOW! I want a frickin' play-by-play of the Peeing on the Stick and a verbatim replay of the subsequent phone conversation with mr. mrtl. Don't shut us out, mrtl!!!!

[kalki]

PS - INTENTION was capitalized in an "I can't believe you might have the intention of getting pregnant and haven't told us" tone, not a "Why the hell would you buy a pregnancy test just because you have cravings" tone. Because I can completely understanding buying a pregnancy test either way. I'm just digging for clues.

I hope the stick shows you what you want to see, either way!!

[LadyBug]

I'm with kalki. I wanna know if there were any other symptoms, besides the cravings.

And I shall call you "Crazy Gnome Lady" until we have further information.

[Circus Kelli]

Will the pee on a stick test tell you if you're really the Crazy Gnome Lady with 100% accuracy? I've heard some of those things really don't work...

[Vanessa_AR]

Everyone I know who has had children in the last few years has told me that they had a drink or two right before they learned they were pregnant. Even my usually tee-totaling sis-in-law. Maybe it's the booze that makes you pregnant.

[La Pix]

I didn't know pregnancy came with cravings for gnomes...

This is killing me. I'll be waiting for the news.

Bah! Let's face it, I'll be back as often as it takes, as long as it takes til you spill the beans one way or another.

[Amy]

With my first pregnancy it was unbelievably unplanned. So there was much carousing and partying (it was our first Christmas in Nova Scotia) and then lo and behowld, I found out I was withabunintheovenomydearlordthekidsgonnaberetarded

So I was worried, yah. But all was fine and dandy.

[Susie]

I predict yes. And my SIL was 4 months along (periods never stopped), before she knew, drinking like most normal people, and all was perfect. No one's pickled. You'll be in a pickle if you don't tell us all soon, though.

[Bente]

We can't wait, though if you don't write about it being negative then I think it may be safe to assume you are...hmmm, don't make us wait too long mrtl!

[Spurious Plum]

Every once in a while that fried, sour-creamy jones will overtake you, and suddenly you find yourself mowing on an entire bag of chips.

Not that I know from experience or anything.