Say It Isn't So

An Open Letter to Danielle.

Dear Danielle,

What the FUCK is up with the Chinese food in Alaska? I just ate the NASTIEST excuse for orange chicken EVER (we're talking soggy, breaded chicken drenched in Minute Maid thickened with flour, not the delicious spicy concoction that my taste buds was begging for tonight -- I should have taken the hint when the waitress informed me that they couldn't make the orange chicken extra spicy -- orange chicken can't be spicy, it wouldn't taste right). Even the gyoza, which was supposed to be a delightful surprise, considering San Angelo didn't have Japanese and I have suffered for way too long without that, was less than thrilling and tasted more like breading-filled noodle than anything.

Please tell me that this is not what is to be expected, that Karma is just fucking with me because she's an evil bitch like that. Please tell me that I managed to pick the nas-ass-stiest Chinese restaurant to venture forth into the fray. Please tell me you know where I can get some mouth watering, extra spicy, orange chicken, or else I'll just open my veins now. Three years without it is too horrid a thought to bear. It's bad enough that the so-called Mexican we had the other day wasn't worth the cheesey farts. (Oh Plum -- happy anniversary girlfriend! -- it was a taste of what you must be going through. Mister mrtl's chimichanga had brown sauce that he said tasted like turkey gravy.)

Don't get me wrong, I love love love salmon and king crab legs and am very much looking forward to eating much of both while we're here. I don't (at least not now) consider them staples in my diet.

If this is what we have to look forward to, I swear I'm going to quit my job and start culinary school. (There is one of them up here, at least, right? Right??) I shall become a gourmand and make the yummiest of meals every day for my lovely family. We'll never have to eat out again.\

Comments

[Susie]

Sounds like you better start eating that salmon, for medicinal purposes! Find a Chinese restaurant owned by actual Chinese people. Easier said than done in Alaska? I dunno. Next time you visit your parents, I'll treat at Hunan Manor.

[Pissy Britches]

Girl, go open you a restaurant!
Get rich biatch!
Show those people how to cook!

[suburban misfit]

Oh, man. If you end up not being able to find decent food, we will all take up monthly collections to ship good stuff you to in dry ice. I promise!

[AndreaBT]

Susie, being owned by actual Chinese people is not necessarily enough to make it a good restaurant...trust me!

[Susie]

You're right, Andrea, I didn't mean to suggest that was sufficient. In my experience, though, that's a start. With apologies to all the non-Chinese owners of excellent Chinese restaurants.

I'm concerned about you, mrtl. And the daycare thing. Any good news?

[Von Krankipantzen]

That is a tragedy. I HATE being disappointed in food at restaurants. That is why I am a creature of habit and go to the same ones all the time. I really hope you are able to find some soon. Do they have a local paper with reviews? Is that a silly question?

[bill]

You would think that since you are actually closer to China the food would be better.

[AndreaBT]

Bill, LOL (and I only use that when I really do). I was thinking the same thing. When we fly to China, we inevitably fly the polar route and pass over Alaska.

[Katie-be-bored-at-work]

I was totally thinking the same thing - that since Alaska is so much closer to China that things would be better there. I guess the Chinese really like the heat of the South, though, because Houston has the best Chinese food. And Japanese food. And Thai food. Sorry to hear that you had a sucky experience, but don't let that stop you from trying different places! Maybe you can do a city-search on the internet and see if there are any good reviews of places in your area.

[greenie]

Quick! Sign up for a subscription of CookingLight now!

That sucks the big one on the restaurant experience. I'm horrible in those situations. I'm also extremely spoiled here in Seattle, as we have amazing restaurants. I'm learning/teaching myself how to make a good curry with salmon and shrimp. It was soooooo good. I promise, if you have to eat salmon, this is the way to do it.

Let me know if you want the recipe.

[Summer]

Salmon curry? That sounds divine!

mrtl, I'm sorry you've not found good food yet. You will.

You'll also find, I think, that very few things in life are worth getting cheesey farts. Ick.

[AndreaBT]

I'll second the Cooking Light subscription. Yummy, healthy, and mostly easy. EASY being the key word, in my book.

[Danielle]

Er...you want to employ the Rule of Palace here. Stick to Imperial Palace for "chinese" food Pizza Palace for pizza. Although, these are Anchorage restaurants - I don't know WHAT kind of stuff you're going to find in Eagle River or the Valley.