Farewell

I'm feeling guilty tonight. Of what? Of not feeling guilty.

Not so curiously, the subject of adopting Iggy out first came up shortly after mister mrtl agreed to take the cats with him on his drive to Alaska. I saw straight through his ruse, and gave him much grief over it. Funny as it was, I believed at the time that it would never happen because we would never find someone I'd approve of, and I sure as hell wasn't going to take her to a shelter or pawn her off on some stranger.

We went out to dinner tonight with a couple and their 3-year-old daughter, K. Mister mrtl has known them for several years, having been stationed together before. I met them shortly after K was born. Anyway, at dinner, as later relayed to me by mister mrtl, the husband had mentioned that they were planning on getting a pet for their daughter and were considering a guinea pig. Mister mrtl asked, "What about Iggy?" We later found out that the wife really wanted a cat, but wasn't willing to accept the 15-year commitment that comes with adopting a kitten, and getting an older cat from a shelter was such a crap shoot.

They came over after dinner, and Bug and K played so well together. It was very sweet. K is not an aggressive child at all, and treated Bug and Iggy very kindly. When they left, they took with them a lot of the cleaning stuff that the packers refused to take, food that would have to be thrown away otherwise... and Iggy. We were going to ask them to consider their decision overnight, but I think it's better that they have her tonight. If it's so painfully obvious after this night that the decision isn't the right one for Iggy, we can get her back tomorrow. Something tells me, though, that she's going to be just fine -- and very happy -- with them.

Iggy is a high-energy cat, and they are a high-energy family. They are wonderful people. K adores Iggy and is at a great age to be her best playmate. The family thinks Iggy is a great kitty cat. Iggy is a great kitty cat, when she's not so fucking annoying. She meows, almost constantly. And goes after attention aggressively, forcing her head into our hands and her body on our laps.

It's funny -- as in queer, not haha -- that it seems as though in saying all this I'm trying to justify our decision. Really I'm not. What I am trying to do is come to terms with my feelings on this. What I'm trying to do is talk myself into feeling bad about this because I don't feel bad about giving her away. Shouldn't I feel bad? We've had Iggy for seven years. Shouldn't I have considered this more? Shouldn't I be more attached? Why was it so easy to let her go? Maybe her absence will affect me after some time passes, but I'm doubting it. Either way, I know she's in great hands and will be loved.

It's going to be interesting to see how Slava handles this. When his brother died, Slava came out of his shell. He went from one extreme to the other, from standoffish to being a total love ho. With our schedules, we felt bad about him spending so much time at home alone, so we got Iggy. Slava stopped being that overly affectionate kitty. They never hit it off. Whenever they were together, it was because Iggy approached Slava.

We realized early on that getting Iggy probably wasn't the best decision. We intended to get a buddy for Slava. Not only did this not happen, but she also never quite fit in with our family. Slava is obviously a one-cat cat. I think Iggy is, too, but that remains to be seen. Either way, she needs and deserves more attention than we could ever give her. I hope that she finds a better fit in her new home.

Comments

[catherine]

It sounds like Iggy will be happy. It sounds like she needs a lot of attention and will be happier with only one cat in the family.

[catherine]

OK, I'm also just catching up on a lot of blog surfing, and I need to know, "what is cinnamon lubricant"?????
Did I miss this in an earlier blog, or is it just a 'moving' thing???
I don't know, but it sounds interesting....

[AndreaBT]

I think you're not feeling guilty because you intuitively know this was the best thing for Iggy, for everyone really. What's to feel guilty about? :)

I have dreams of moving back to China to live, but if we did, I'd almost certainly have to find a home for my two sibling kitties. I'd be heartbroken, but I hope I could find a home that would make me feel as much at peace as you obviously do.

[william]

We drove from PA to Florida with two cats,a dog and the kid. The cats were most affected and have been scarred. It is probably better that Iggy doesn't make the drive.

[mrtl]

Catherine, Andrea and William - I think you're all right. I'm sure part of why I'm (still) so ok with this is because of where she went. They're such great people! Iggy didn't handle the drive from Maryland (to Alabama) to Texas very well at all, even with sedatives. Still, I knew a plane trip would be horrendous for her, cruel to put her through. She hates being confined, and that was the worst possible scenario.

Catherine, cinnamon lubricant, sample size handout from a sex party I went to a while ago. It says it "warms" -- which is a viry skirry thought -- and is tasty. We haven't been inclined to open it.

[Amy]

Giving Iggy to another family would be hard enough, but with all the turmoil and nonsense of moving to deal with, your head must be about ready to explode. You hang in there, lady.

And HMD (um, HDAMD (day after mothers day) right backatcha!

[La Pix]

I had a wonderful loving kitty, Suka (well, she loved ME at least), for almost 19 years. When my ex and I had got her, we also had got another girl kitty, named Reuben, who was so aggressive and dominant that she began bullying Suka when they were babies, and continued for about 10 years. Not only that but Reuben was a 25 lb cat - mostly muscle; the biggest cat I've ever known. Suka never got over 6 lbs at her heaviest. Reuben wouldn't let Suka get on the bed, much less sleep on it. Reuben was my ex's favorite - they were extremely close. I felt pretty badly for Suka and strived to make things fair and give her extra attention to make up for it...but this made her more of a target. Reuben once peed on her. Reuben peed on everything, including her beloved human, while he slept in bed.

We tried kitty antidepressants and a bunch of other stuff. Nothing really worked. Finally, Reuben passed away from a mysterious health issue, and then Suka came out of her shell, like you say Slava did. She started to play and have fun and sleep in the presence of humans. At night, she slept not only on the bed but on my pillow. She began to purr when I said her name. She had a great 8 year run as queen of the show.

Our two new kitties are awesome and they really love one another. I felt happy and relieved!

It's ok to not feel guilty, though I think I can empathize with that completely. I didn't feel badly when Reuben died, I felt relieved. Even if you never connected with Iggy in a deep way, you cared for her and made sure she got what she needed while living with your family. That's important.

[lawbrat]

Cats are somewhat like people. We all have our own personalities, and sometimes those personalities dont mesh. Iggy and you...no meshing. Would you have a spouse or live in person that you clashed with? Probably not. Iggy and the new family seem to have made a connection, and thats awesome! Slava is a happier kitty being the one and only, your happier with the Iggster being gone, all is well in mrtland.

[kalki]

It would hurt my heart to think about Iggy (and poor mr. mrtl!) making that drive when obviously it would make her so miserable. You've done the right thing by finding her a new home.

[kalki]

Love the title archive, by the way...

[cat]

Aaw, it'll be okay, mrtl. I concur wholeheartedly with lawbrat, who said what I was thinking so much better than I could have done (thanks, lawbrat! you = pithy and wise).

[Circus Kelli]

Cats -- Growing up, we nearly always had a cat in the apartment. Then, for a while, we didn't, and I got to liking it. When I was still living at home, Mom and Dit said they wanted a cat, I told to go ahead, but I would not take any responsibility for the cat. In that time without cats, we had discovered I was allergic to cats, and I could live happily without one.

Then, I moved in with Hubby. He had a cat. Fine, I can handle it. I know how to cope. Then we got another cat. Gah.

Then, we had a baby. As soon as the cats started laying all over the brand new blankets, etc for the baby, I began wishing we could find another home for them.

Our baby was then diagnosed as allergic to cats. We had to find a new home for the longer-haired of the two, as an experiment. Hubby didn't want to give up Rufus if he didn't have to. Punkin was still having trouble breathing, etc. and we moved Rufus in with Shelley.

Before that, there was much strife between the cats. Much peeing and hacking up of furballs on the carpet. Much "have you seen the cats? Where are they?" Much of the cats jumping on our heads in the middle of the night. Sometimes, we had to break up the cat fights, but always always always, there was the "cat smell".

Hubby is happy that he can still "visit" Rufus, and I *know* the cats are far better off (and completely spoiled) in their new homes.

I only felt a little tiny bit guilty about "outsourcing" them, and that was because I knew Hubby wanted to keep them, and I didn't. (Truly, despite our best efforts and cutting down on the dander, etc. Punkin was still having difficulty breathing, and that is why the cats had to go.)

It sounds like you did the right thing for Iggy, and your family.

[suburban misfit]

No, you're not a bad person for finding a more appropriate home for your kitty. A bad person would have had her euthanized. You obviously love her; if you didn't, you wouldn't feel any guilt at all. The right opportunity came along at an unexpected time and you took it. That makes you smart, not impulsive. It sounds like it'll be a good fit for everyone. I think you made the right decision!