My Beast of Burden

Story Time with mrtl

Having gone to a community college, I didn't move out of my parents' house until the summer before my junior year at a four-year university. My roommate and I found a nice little apartment in what turned out to be a primarily geriatric neighborhood in downtown Towson, Maryland. Party on!

One of my favorite memories with the older folks in this neighborhood involved my roommate's boyfriend, Tom. On this particular day, Tom and his roommates had found a video camera in someone's roadside eviction pile. He brought the camera over to our place to record what was to be a pleasant day out in Baltimore with his lady. Outside on a park bench were a couple old ladies. Tom aimed the camera at them.

"Oh, no, don't waste your tape on us old ladies," they said to him. "Tape the beautiful young ladies."

"But you ARE beautiful," Tom said. "You've been beautiful for a... for a hundred years!"

... want some ketchup with that foot, Tom?

Another memorable neighbor was Skyler. He looked just like that kid from the Problem Child movies. His father was a waiter at a fancy hotel, where he had to wear a bowtie. He gave all of his old bowties to Skyler; I never saw Skyler without a bowtie. The day we met, he approached Jen and me and yelled, although he was pretty close to us, "HI! I'M SKYYYLER!" He sounded like Jerry Lewis in "The Nutty Professor." I think Skyler would scare me today were I to run into him.

The worst neighbor we had was The Guy Downstairs (TGD). I can't remember his name. I will never forget, though, his awful singing. Since our apartment didn't have air conditioning -- it was a HUGE mistake in Maryland to trust that the cross breeze through the many windows would be sufficient to counteract the 95% humidity -- we could hear him loud and clear. He called himself a musician. I'll admit he could play the guitar decently, but dude's singing sounded like a wounded dog. Worse, he was apparently a really big U2 fan, which happened to be a group I detested at the time (yes, you read that right, Cat -- your beloved Bono -- BIG EW!), and his favorite U2 song apparently was "One Love," which happened to be a song that I still detest. Over and over again TGD would howl this song. Over and over again. Over and over again. Get the point? Just remembering this hurts my ears.

Memories of TGD were conjured up today by our next door neighbors here at the hotel in Alaska. We passed this group of guys in the hallway, and they looked like they were in a band. We were right. Not too long after we got back to the room, they started. The singer actually didn't sound that bad. I started to wonder if Maroon 5 was next door. That's right. I saw them in the hall and I didn't know; I wouldn't know they're faces from TGD. Alas, Maroon 5 is playing in Ontario tonight.

Despite sounding good, I have two major problems with their performance. Between the guitar, the singing and the hoots from the others, there's a lot of fucking noise coming from their room. Worse, "Beast of Burden" is now trapped in my head. Singing it Ethel is not removing it. Considering that mister mrtl and I are working on a schedule three hours ahead of local time, chances of these Maroon 5 wannabes disturbing our sleep tonight are pretty good. They're not over there now; I'm only hoping that they don't come back at some wee hour all drunk and rowdy and singing "Beast of Burden" more. If they do, I'll be calling their room in the morning... several times... I may ask for your help in doing this.

Paybacks are hell, yo. Don't you think I didn't regularly stomp around in my room during TGD's Bono attacks!

Comments

[cat]

I WAS going to invite you and Mr. mrtl and Bug to visit when/if you come to play on the Metro, but of course then you would have to sit through two hours of my simply FABULOUS "U2: Go Home; Live from Slane Castle" DVD, which I- of COURSE- make all my friends and family watch, you know, to get us pumped up for the day. But now...

(mutters) Doesn't like U2... What kind of sicko doesn't like U2...

[Susie]

I didn't know you were taking us WITH you, or I'd have been checking in. I probably went to the same University you did, at least for a time. And before you were born. I read all your "away" posts, and feel like I was right there with you, sweetie. The two penises on my shoulders, the smell of ass in the air...I've always wanted to go to Alaska.

[mrtl]

Cat - They have a concert called "Go Home"? What's up with that? They know they're that bad and are being considerate of their audience.

Susie - I'm glad you're with me. You've brought me back down to earth from my negativity. My current post is dedicated to you. (Not the song part, though... That would be a little ookey.)

[LadyBug]

That was hilarious, mrtl.

I hope you got some rest last night and you're having a better day in Alaska today.