Needing a sanity break from work today, I got myself a Nutty Irishman from Baker Street and headed over to the base's thrift shop to help out for a little while. It's always good for a few laughs.
While sorting through a rack of sweaters, I found myself strongly feeling the need to refer to some of the donations as gay. I'm not talking about gay as in gay homosexuals (said with my best Cartman voice, which really isn't that good anyway), but gay as in brightly colored and showy (aka TACKY). Back in the days of my youth, I worked at the Gap, and a coworker there would regularly use "gay gay GAY gay gay" to refer to the practice of matching one's socks to one's shirt. Yes, I agree. That's gay, and I was gay then, because I matched my socks to my shirt. And I wore white socks layered over my colored socks that matched my shirt with my high-top Reebox. I was that gay.
But G-A-Y doesn't mean that anymore, and saying G-A-Y always refers to the gay homosexuals, and the gay homosexuals are not always gay as in brightly colored and showy. I mean - hello! - have you SEEN Karamo? He is so not brightly colored and showy. He's a gay homosexual that straight heterosexual women cry about.
So, in such mixed company, I refrained from calling the sweater gay. It was pastel green with striped trimming that included pink, yellow and baby blue. It also had an askew knitted pocket on the front; it was diagonal across the left breast, so if the wearer was that lazy and so inclined, she could put her hand in her pocket to support it while singing the National Anthem. The sweater was most definitely gay.
Someone out there is feeling me on this, but as usual, mister mrtl found out about it first. Alas, since I quit teaching five years ago, I'm totally out of the loop when it comes to the fresh new lingo. Even worse, I'm so far removed that I can't understand it when I hear it, and it has to be explained.
In some conversation about something that was gay-but-not-gay-homosexual, mister mrtl said, "That's G-A-G-Y."
"G-A-G-Y?"
"Yes, it's so gay that it's G-A-G-Y." ::smug chuckle because he knows the fresh new lingo and I'm so far from hip and he's making me that much cooler::
On and on this went until it got rather heated. Why the hell was he calling something "gagey"? Did he really mean "gaggy," as in "That thing is so gaggy I'm gagging like I got gagged"? G-A-G-Y is stupid and makes no sense, so stop chuckling already. It's NOT FUNNY.
Mister mrtl finally realized (intel specialist that he is) that I was hearing him say G-A-G-Y, and got some paper.
He had been saying G-H-E-Y.
Yes, fresh new lingo to refer to something that's gay-but-not-gay-homosexual. Of course, it rhymes with gay, so to use it means you have to spell it, and then explain it because it's so fresh that no one will know what the HELL you're talking about. Keep paper and pen handy too, folks, or at least learn to sign out the letters: G - H - E - Y. What idiot f'ing moron came up with this one, anyway?
