I've suffered through this one twice now since Noggin is usually on whenever the TV's on when Bug's awake. This song is not the only issue I have with this movie. For one, the show encourages children to steal. For two, it neglects to stress the importance of personal safety. For three, there are unnecessary characters. For four, most of the songs are just gay. (Yes, gay. I've decided not to support the ghey movement because that in itself is gay.) I will only mention that the plot itself is gay, too, because that's par for the course with children's shows these days.
Let's break these issues down further. First, the plot takes Dora and her posse to a beach, where they steal a ship. There's no attempt whatsoever to find the owner of the ship to ask permission to borrow the ship. They push it into the water and they're off. And why did they need the ship, anyway? Swiper managed to get to the island without it. What? Did he hitch a ride with the Piggie Pirates? I don't think so. If you watch the opening of any Dora show, you'll see that Swiper can simply materialize where he wants to be. Teaching little kids it's ok to just take a ship is completely egregious.
Adding insult to injury, Dora et al commence sailing without safety vests. You'd think they'd at least mention this when Baby Jaguar falls overboard and nearly drowns. Tico is the only character making any attempt at restraint, being tethered to the mast to act as lookout.
The movie could have done without several characters. First off, Baby Jaguar was completely useless. All he did was meow; the other animal characters could talk or at least play instruments. By the time he fell overboard, I was already expressing my displeasure with the lack of safety considerations, so I thought it was good that the kids would learn their lesson by Baby Jaguar being killed off. I told Kerry to say bye-bye to Baby Jaguar (which she remembered to do the second time we watched the movie, too). Baby Jaguar's owner, Diego, could have been left out as well; the only thing he brought to the plot besides Baby Jaguar was his unruggedized laptop to show the twinkly stars. Pointless. If Isa were gone, so would the stupid song that's plaguing me now. And why did Isa have to turn the wheel? Yes, they should avoid whales and boulders when sailing, but where the HELL did the waterfall come in? They had just sailed the seven seas. Where is there a waterfall in the seven seas?? Benny the cow could have easily taken over steering duties. Better yet, Tico could go. I don't have anything against those who can't speak English, but removing Tico would also remove the need for an interpreter for him; since most of the dialogue is in English, Tico is regularly left out of the conversation. How rude is that?
Which brings us to the songs. The one that keeps spinning in my brain isn't the worst of the bunch; it is the one that won't go away. The singing bridge had the kids singing horribly, "We love to siiiiiing!" The worst, though, had to be the one about the Seven seas, where the writers were so uninspired, so hard up for a rhyme for "seven" that they threw a turtle into the water whose name was Kevin. Not that I have anything against the name; the man I intend to spend the rest of my living days with has that name. And I'm certainly not guilty of forced rhymes, but you won't see me publishing any of my hideous poetry unless it's in total self-mockery.
Isa, turn the wheel! Turn the wheel, Isa!
repeat
repeat louder
repeat even louder
I'm turning the wheel!
repeat twice
